Just a 21-year-old who loves writing scripts and composing music! I focus more on writing actions, comedies, and horrors. I also specialize in scripts that are ridiculous, over-the-top, or just straight-up insane.
Here were my thoughts on your script: 1. Concept - This was a very interesting concept. To have a man enter a "white space" dimension to escape reality is intriguing to say the least. Although similar ideas have been done, I was interested to see where you would take this. 2. Story - Although it was a bit slower paced, the story was a nice one to read. Me. Kay's journey and how it ends was satisfying. However, the shock ending with the Pordaga drawing was a bit predictable, but then again, it sets up for a sequel. In my opinion though, this could be changed to where you could possible have a showdown between the Creature Blu and her army against the Pordaga and have the script be extended rather than just creating an entire new script revolving around this war between the opposing species. 3. Structure - The structuring and formatting were pretty good here. The only real issue I have in this section is the overuse of flashbacks. They are very common in this script and they become tedious fast. Using a few flashbacks throughout the script is fine, but always double check to make sure they're not being used too frequently. 4. Character Development - The characters were well written. The interactions between Eve, Hua, and Mr. Kay were excellent and felt very genuine, especially between Hua and Mr. Kay, as they behaved and interacted almost exactly how I'd would picture a grown up daughter and father would, so great job! 5. Dialogue - The dialogue was good for the most part. There were a few lines that felt out of place or that didn't necessarily need to be there. There were also some grammatical errors and misused words throughout the script. 6. Conclusion - Overall, this was definitely a refreshing script to read on this site. The story and the characters were definitely the highlights of this script. Aside from the many uses of flashbacks and few grammatical errors, I'd probably read this script again at some point. Good luck!
Here were my thoughts on your script: 1. Concept - I thought it was interesting that you went with people who get worms or black vines almost as like a power of some sort. Definitely a concept that can be done in a variety of ways. 2. Story - The story was decent, but the pacing was off. The beginning was slow and the ending felt rushed to me. Also, for being labeled as a comedy, I feel like it lacked the comedy for the most part aside from a few meta jokes that got me. Also, using occultism/evil cults as the core horror trope is very cliche since many, many people do it. 3. Structure - The structuring and formatting were good. The script was easy to read through for the most part and a lot of the formatting was good as well. The only real issue here was there were several parts in dialogue missing punctuation. 4. Character Development - I think the characters were good, especially Charlene and Raven, they were probably your most well written characters. Keep in mind, from what others have told me, name changing in the script (Charlene to Cherry) is a no go when it comes to dialogue. 5. Dialogue - Some of the dialogue was written well, but there were several moments that pulled me out of the script. Also one thing to keep in mind, don't force subplots or messages in the middle of a scene. One scene had an anti-police/racism comment that was abrupt and later on there are some obvious anti-religion messages in the dialogue that I feel like really didn't need to be there unless you were trying to send that message. 6. Conclusion - Overall, this is a well written script for the most part. Occult horror isn't really my thing, but with some revisions, I think others will enjoy this for sure.
After getting fed up with evil winning in the end of horror movies, a man decides to take matters into his own hands.
Carrie's week is going miserably and camp doesn't seem to help. Neither does the fact that there's a killer loose on the campgrounds hellbent on being remembered by his childhood bullies.
After dying in a car accident, Johnny Seth is about to face judgment, that is until Satan gets God's permission to bring Johnny back to life, only for his plan to go south.
The torment was too much for him to handle, and now he's gonna make sure everyone has a jolly good time!
A schizophrenic man loses his sanity after his singing audition for a talent show goes wrong.
A tale of abuse, hatred and vengeance
Teens learn the hard way that if they don't comply and pass on the messages, they pay the price for breaking the link.
Slaying demons and kicking ass are his specialty.
Slaying demons and kicking ass are his specialty.
Some legends are too scary not to be true.
Hope you liked the first act, because now it's time for the grand finale!