Awards
Approved
Nominee Draft #2
Summary
3 Reviews |
11 pages |
3 years ago
|
Draft 2
Alice, the daughter of a motel owner, Benoit, takes out two American tourists. She falls for Peter but Spencer becomes enamored with her, comparing her to model/actress Brigitte Bardot. While Alice tries to get to know Peter, Spencer assaults her. Peter steps in and helps Alice home, but a misunderstanding leads to a devastating dispute between Benoit and Alice, and another uncomfortable interaction with Spencer.
Industry Reviews
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Peer Reviews
At first I got the vibe of a romance, with the disturbing, "love triangle" if you will, between Alice, Peter, and Spencer. Then with the death of Peter, a plot twist that turned it into a thriller.
The only downside is that I couldn't quite figure out what exactly was going on or why. Or where they were. The plot twist at the end was good.
I think that more could be written on this story. There is more room for character development and story...
Top Reviewer
Let me first start out by saying that sexual assault is a very important and serious topic and so the examination of such is a good concept that is really hot right now in movies and literature.
With that said, I’ll start with what needs work as that seems like why you would submit for your work to be read. I didn’t really love the character of Alicia. While I couldn’t exactly pinpoint what was wrong it seemed like she just wasn’t real and th...
Here were my thoughts on your short script:
1. Concept - I found the idea of a motel worker falling in love with a tourist to be interesting, although done before in different contexts. I thought it was neat to see the main character be French rather than the tourist since that's normally how these kinds of love stories go.
2. Story - I thought the story was fair and simple as how many short scripts are. However, one element that killed the...
Top Reviewer
The story seems to focus on a fling or a subverted relationship. The script has the occasional spelling and grammatical error but nothing that will pull the reader out of the script, even if the dialogue is a little bit hokey at times. I think this could work as a short half-hour film if it were developed a bit more thoroughly and the characters were given a little extra personality beyond being simple stereotypes and archetypes. Furthermore, I f...
Top Reviewer
