Your story reminded me of Wolverine (probably because of the main character's regeneration ability), Lobo from DC Comics (mercenary and bounty hunter). My first thought after reading half of the script was, "I would play a game like that."
You have a lot of animations and special effects in your story, so converting it into a game scenario should not be that complicated. In some respects, you could sneak in some stuff that won't work in a movie screenplay
Well, we evaluate the stories in terms of the movie script. Below you’ll find some points that caught my eye. These are loose observations and a list of questions that popped into my head while reading.
Story
Your story has a lot of potentials to be a great movie. Especially that you have all the elements you need. In some cases, a small rearrangement of the beats is all you require.
What I missed the most was a conflict (not skirmishes). This is probably the problem of all undefeated heroes - since no one can kill them, after a while the story starts to get boring. I guess that's why Superman got kryptonite.
If SVF cannot be killed - each subsequent fight is just a rerun of the next chop, in which the viewers know who will win anyway (without surprise it’s difficult to keep the viewer on the edge of the seat).
You have very nice and dynamically described fight scenes. Here I have the question about the final battle: Why do the demons come upon him one by one and not all at once? More difficulties for the main character = the Audience will root for him even more.
I didn't quite understand Satan's intentions and his relationship with SVF. Is he trying to kill him or not?
And here comes another problem. Since neither one can be killed, what is at stake in the story?
Potential conflicts to use:
It is SVF who finds the killed Cherry Balm (we do not say that he is dead before – unnecessary flashback) and then he sets off on the demons and Satan - thanks to that the revenge theme looks better.
Victor doesn't want to kill SVF because he wants to kill Satan too - why wouldn't he ally with SVF, and they could fight together.
SVF knows he killed Veronica's parents and then the dialogues and their relationship would be more strained. I know it's a sequel, but without reading the previous story, it's hard to combine these facts.
During Griffon's last visit to Veronica and the subsequent meeting with Chief Adrian, it occurred to me: What if Griffin had Veronica kidnapped (Satan works with him) and Chief Adrian is not who he says he is. SVF is right in the middle of a bigger plot.
Characters
I think you have the most work here. SVF may say he doesn't care about anything and slash more monsters, but deep down he cares about something (see The Witcher).
Now, I don't know why he agrees to work for Griffon. He could have ignored him because no one would hurt him anyway. If demons couldn't hurt him, what would people do to him?
SVF's emotional relationship with Victoria has to come from something. For now, emotions seem to pop out of nowhere (the viewer must see that the characters have earned them).
Here’s a nice conflict idea: SVF killed her parents, and he knows it. She doesn't know it and falls in love with him. Later she finds out and is furious and hates him. Then he learns that it was not SVF's fault but Satan and forgives him, but it may be too late because a bunch of monsters is about to kill SVF, etc.
It would also be nice to understand why Victor wants to betray Satan.
At some stage you say: Andrew's an alcoholic, Hilary was abused by her biological mom. Show it: Let Andrew drinks from the bottle all the time and Hilary reveal the features of the anxiety.
I also have a problem with Satan - if he knows that he cannot be killed, why is he panicked and nervous?
Structure / Formatting
You did a great job with the structure. The only thing that seemed redundant to me was the flashback as Victor tells what Cherry Balm did. In my opinion, it’s unnecessary. It would have worked much better if the SVF found her, got furious, and rushed to avenge her.
At some points, you can think of action lines. At a few points, you also have the past tense.
Dialogue
When SVF meets new people and explains what he does, it seems like a normal situation. Remember that the viewer is a fly on the wall in every scene and starts annoying him when he hears dialogues and stories repeated several times.
See you 6 feet under - the demons are dead and SVF cannot be killed anyway.
On the nose - SVF explains to Satan that Victor wanted to kill him. Why?
Summary
You have an interesting story that with a little more inner conflict added in can be great.
I recommend watching The Witcher series because Geralt is also a mercenary devoid of feelings, but certain events make him care and his relationship with Ciri and Yenefer is credible.
Good luck fine-tuning your story.
