The Photograph short
#Mystery/Suspense #Horror #Thriller
One simple photograph can change a person's life, for better or worse.
Awards
Approved
Nominee Draft #3
Nominee Draft #2
Nominee Draft #1
Summary
4 Reviews |
9 pages |
3 years ago
|
Draft 3
A boy finds a picture of a beautiful girl one day at school. The girl in the photograph is holding her hand up with two fingers extended to make a peace sign. He asks around but absolutely no one has ever seen or heard of her. One night, he hears a knock at his window followed by a girl giggling. He goes outside with the photo and follows the giggling, which seems to come from the woods across the street. When he crosses the street, he is immediately struck and killed. The driver tries to help him but it's too late. Lying on the road away from the body is the photograph, of a very beautiful girl, holding up three fingers.
(Just saying, this is for a film contest and there's a maximum of 7 pages allowed.)
(Just saying, this is for a film contest and there's a maximum of 7 pages allowed.)
Industry Reviews
No Industry Reviews
Peer Reviews
Writer, this screenplay has come leaps and bounds from the first time I read it.
You’ve done a fantastic job cleaning out the characters a bit more. I particularly enjoyed the interplay between Russel and his sister.
I think a bit more work can be done showing rather than telling however. Early on in the script you TELL the reader that the kids are bored. Think of this in terms of a movie and SHOW us how they are bored. Are they doodling? Are...
Top Reviewer
I enjoyed the story. It was well written. Your dialogue was excellent. Your scene and action descriptions were concise and sufficient. A boy finds a photograph and is led to his death by the girl in the picture is an excellent concept. The story lacked tension, though. Perhaps, you could have the boy immediately hear more than giggles but beckoning calls or he could even see an apparition gesturing for him to come to her. He could fight the desir...
Top Reviewer
Much better than your earlier draft! Its much more concise and clear. I think you can trim back a little bit of the few blocks of scene description in the last few pages(left you a few ideas how to do this in the additional comments section) and there's a few bits of dialogue you can trim slightly.
You still have some "is" and "as" that still need to be changed to present tense and I think you can condense the teachers opening line to somethin...
Top Reviewer
This is a well-structured story in which you are trying to explore the first signs of puberty. It seems that the attractive girl's photo is cursed, and that's why the main character is killed at the end of the story (I cannot think of any other reason). As soon as I read your description, I was immediately transported to Japanese anime (Death Note,...) or a children's show (Gravity Falls), so I recommend you make it into an animation. I think one...
Here were my thoughts on your script:
1. Concept - I liked the concept you went with. More of a mystery horror/thriller instead of a basic horror and you seemed to have fun with it.
2. Story - I feel like this is where the script falls flat for me unfortunately. It could be my fault since I binge watch horror a lot, but the ending and climax were pretty predictable. I think it could've been a more out of the box ending where he somehow gets...
Top Reviewer
So, I just read a short horror script called The Photograph. On a scale of 1 to 10, my verdict is a 20! Personally, I think the script could be a feature film rather than a short film. Some of the best short scripts that are written could eventually end being written as a feature-length film. For example, The Babadook was a short horror film in the beginning but later on became a feature film. The movie Lights Out was a short horror movie that w...
Top Reviewer
Overall, I think this script tells an amazing story with a crazy plot twist at the end that literally made me gasp when I read it. The events throughout the story flow nicely with the pace with which it is read, so that's really good too. However, the characters need a little more time on the page/screen with more description written in the script so the reader/viewer can relate to them more, making the story more engaging for whichever is the in...
Let me start by saying that this script has a great twist. I sincerely enjoyed it. However, I found it very difficult finish.
There a several glaring issues with the structure of this screenplay. Starting off, your action blocks are WAY to big. You have a lot of fat that need trimmed.
Get rid of any line that directs the camera. Your job is to WRITE the story, not direct it. Let the action blocks dictate the camera.
As far as your scenes are...
Top Reviewer
