There is a lot of potential here. A short is under forty pages. I would recommend using that to your advantage to flesh out the story and characters. Possibly even turn it into a feature. But, that is up to you. Good luck on future drafts in your script.

There is a lot going on here in less than ninety pages. Everything and everyone is all over the place and needs to be more streamlined and developed. A new setting might help as well, but then again, this is just my opinion. Good luck on your screenplay in the future.

Formatting technicalities aside, the character and story development sufferd due to the near total lack of struggle and setbacks to accomplish a goal. Venturing in these aspects would serve the character and story greatly. The concept is promising. There just needs to be a follow through.