Awards
Approved
Summary
0 Reviews |
121 pages |
4 years ago
|
Draft 13
Faye is a punkie, strong-willed woman struggling to move on from a former lover. Her best friend Elly stands loyally by her side in a platonic romance and tries to free her from all treachery and heartache.
The author describes this content as raunchy, mysterious and heart-breaking. This story will make you cry more than once.
0.9
- migrated story elements from the first Amy/Nikki scene into the second
- rewrote Faye's street scene
- removed Faye's first sex scene as it painted her in a bad light
- rewrote mall center scene to the liquor shop
- various fixes to dialogue throughout the script
- grammatical/punctuation fixes
- optimized overall script runtime
- fixed some logic errors in dialogue
- added Faye/Elly link to the ending to add meaning/purpose to the story
- other fixes
0.8b
- changed dialogue to fit the story better
- added some actions
- simplified character descriptions
- removed shopping montage
- removed cuts as they seemed useless
- other fixes
0.8a
- fixed an incorrectly labeled scene header
- slight reduction of dialogue for Kayla's phone call
0.8
- re-worded and simplified all action lines
- simplified clothing descriptions
- fixed instance where Peter's bottle magically became a glass
- fixed instance where Amy sat down twice on the floor
- fixed instance where Linda placed her wine glass in the sink twice
- changed some shots
- removed pot plant from counter
- added more missing (CONT'S)
- added missing cuts
- fine-tuned some story elements
- fixed some incorrect speaker names
- grammatical/punctuation fixes
0.7
- improved overall dialogue and content in script
- fixed instances where CONT'D was missing
- improved scene flow
- improved dream sequence
- grammatical fixes
0.6d
- improved overall dialogue and content in script (70% complete)
- grammatical fixes
0.6c
- re-wrote dialogue for Faye/Elly mall scene
- improved overall dialogue and content in script (35% complete)
- other fixes
0.6b
- removed most character facial expressions
- other minor fixes
0.6a
- fixed ellipsis that seemed incorrect
- improvements to shots
- added focus on some action references
- other minor fixes
0.6
- simplifications to dialogue in Amy's first scene
- added restaurant scene to improve Linda's story flow
- added restaurant dream sequence
- improvements to Kayla's phone conversation
- fixed some incorrect O.C. labels
0.5c
- added dress attire to main character introductions
- made some improvements to scene introductions
0.5b
- improvements to character introductions
- added some sluglines for relevant scene headers
- added scene transitions
- other minor fixes
0.5a
- 300+ grammatical and punctuation fixes
- other minor adjustments
0.5
- major rewording of actions
- removed character thoughts
- made improvements to character dialogue
- fixed many spelling and grammatical errors
- attempted to make use of continuous scene headers
- attempted to improve scene flow
- removed some unrequired dialogue
- set italics for text messages
- removed duplicate character introductions
- improved various parens
- removed first kiss
- reduced script by 5 pages
- other minor adjustments
0.4b
- minor improvements to some dialogue
- fixed some incorrect alignments
0.4a
- minor adjustments to some dialogue
- improved font
- reduced page count
0.4
- fixed some typos
- added some actions
- added some parens
- shortened amy/nikki's first smoke break
- added Kayla's massage link to Linda's dining
- adjusted 2 hidden references
- fixed milkshake inconsistency
- necklace scene is now more sexy
- re-arranged and reworded some dialogue
- added nail/lip link for Kayla
- fixed inconsistency with Linda's wine glass in spare
- addressed an issue with Amy and Nikki's seated formation during board game
- Amy's vomit joke is now more funnier
- removed some unrequired pronouns that sounded too robotic
- improved Amy's advice
- rewrote some of Kayla's scene to be more intimate
- added additional twist to pre-ending
- added missing light to Elly's front porch
- removed plant references as they were obsolete
- minor change to some ending detail
- added ring detail
- other fixes
0.3
- fixed CONT. incorrectness and added many that were missing
- migrated text parens to speaker
- attempted to fix intercuts and continuous scenes
- tidied up some unrequired bits
- fixed some V.O. dialogue that was incorrectly labeled
- fixed some typos
- shortened Faye's fingernails so she can form a proper fist
- added O.C. and intercut for mower phone call
- fixed some conversation
- added rain to ending with umbrella link
- added rubik cube detail
- added additional parens for ending
- other minor adjustments
0.2
- fixed many formatting problems (still not perfect)
- added some camera actions
- added reference to Faye's doll
- added dress question for Kayla
- fixed a problem that caused Elly to suffer a headspin despite not lying down first
- added additional queues
- shortened board game
- minor story related changes
- added page numbers
- reworded some dialogue
- added concept video for Faye's dance
0.1
- First version
The author describes this content as raunchy, mysterious and heart-breaking. This story will make you cry more than once.
0.9
- migrated story elements from the first Amy/Nikki scene into the second
- rewrote Faye's street scene
- removed Faye's first sex scene as it painted her in a bad light
- rewrote mall center scene to the liquor shop
- various fixes to dialogue throughout the script
- grammatical/punctuation fixes
- optimized overall script runtime
- fixed some logic errors in dialogue
- added Faye/Elly link to the ending to add meaning/purpose to the story
- other fixes
0.8b
- changed dialogue to fit the story better
- added some actions
- simplified character descriptions
- removed shopping montage
- removed cuts as they seemed useless
- other fixes
0.8a
- fixed an incorrectly labeled scene header
- slight reduction of dialogue for Kayla's phone call
0.8
- re-worded and simplified all action lines
- simplified clothing descriptions
- fixed instance where Peter's bottle magically became a glass
- fixed instance where Amy sat down twice on the floor
- fixed instance where Linda placed her wine glass in the sink twice
- changed some shots
- removed pot plant from counter
- added more missing (CONT'S)
- added missing cuts
- fine-tuned some story elements
- fixed some incorrect speaker names
- grammatical/punctuation fixes
0.7
- improved overall dialogue and content in script
- fixed instances where CONT'D was missing
- improved scene flow
- improved dream sequence
- grammatical fixes
0.6d
- improved overall dialogue and content in script (70% complete)
- grammatical fixes
0.6c
- re-wrote dialogue for Faye/Elly mall scene
- improved overall dialogue and content in script (35% complete)
- other fixes
0.6b
- removed most character facial expressions
- other minor fixes
0.6a
- fixed ellipsis that seemed incorrect
- improvements to shots
- added focus on some action references
- other minor fixes
0.6
- simplifications to dialogue in Amy's first scene
- added restaurant scene to improve Linda's story flow
- added restaurant dream sequence
- improvements to Kayla's phone conversation
- fixed some incorrect O.C. labels
0.5c
- added dress attire to main character introductions
- made some improvements to scene introductions
0.5b
- improvements to character introductions
- added some sluglines for relevant scene headers
- added scene transitions
- other minor fixes
0.5a
- 300+ grammatical and punctuation fixes
- other minor adjustments
0.5
- major rewording of actions
- removed character thoughts
- made improvements to character dialogue
- fixed many spelling and grammatical errors
- attempted to make use of continuous scene headers
- attempted to improve scene flow
- removed some unrequired dialogue
- set italics for text messages
- removed duplicate character introductions
- improved various parens
- removed first kiss
- reduced script by 5 pages
- other minor adjustments
0.4b
- minor improvements to some dialogue
- fixed some incorrect alignments
0.4a
- minor adjustments to some dialogue
- improved font
- reduced page count
0.4
- fixed some typos
- added some actions
- added some parens
- shortened amy/nikki's first smoke break
- added Kayla's massage link to Linda's dining
- adjusted 2 hidden references
- fixed milkshake inconsistency
- necklace scene is now more sexy
- re-arranged and reworded some dialogue
- added nail/lip link for Kayla
- fixed inconsistency with Linda's wine glass in spare
- addressed an issue with Amy and Nikki's seated formation during board game
- Amy's vomit joke is now more funnier
- removed some unrequired pronouns that sounded too robotic
- improved Amy's advice
- rewrote some of Kayla's scene to be more intimate
- added additional twist to pre-ending
- added missing light to Elly's front porch
- removed plant references as they were obsolete
- minor change to some ending detail
- added ring detail
- other fixes
0.3
- fixed CONT. incorrectness and added many that were missing
- migrated text parens to speaker
- attempted to fix intercuts and continuous scenes
- tidied up some unrequired bits
- fixed some V.O. dialogue that was incorrectly labeled
- fixed some typos
- shortened Faye's fingernails so she can form a proper fist
- added O.C. and intercut for mower phone call
- fixed some conversation
- added rain to ending with umbrella link
- added rubik cube detail
- added additional parens for ending
- other minor adjustments
0.2
- fixed many formatting problems (still not perfect)
- added some camera actions
- added reference to Faye's doll
- added dress question for Kayla
- fixed a problem that caused Elly to suffer a headspin despite not lying down first
- added additional queues
- shortened board game
- minor story related changes
- added page numbers
- reworded some dialogue
- added concept video for Faye's dance
0.1
- First version
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Peer Reviews
First of all, how cute is Peter! He seems so charming and sweet, from the moment he walked in, I could tell how much he cared for Linda but as soon as they were introduced they went away. I didn't feel like I had the chance to full connect to them because I was introduced to someone else and then even more people after that so it's kind of hard to remember them because the other characters are equally interesting and I enjoy the dialogue between...
Top Reviewer
Hi, so I'm just going to hop right into it, the dialogue and overall story is fairly decent but the formatting could use quite a bit of work, this begins at the second page.
"LINDA(29) a ponytailed blonde, polite, pampered, stay at home
wife, sits comfortably upon a luxurious couch inside of what
appears to be an incredibly expensive home." - we don't know Linda is a stay at home wife because there's no dialogue stating such, remember this is...
Here are my thoughts on your script:
1. Concept - I think the concept of one friend trying to help another with coping and moving on as the sole concept for a romance is different from what I've personally seen.
2. Story - I liked where you were trying to go with the story. However, given the script being nearly as long as Endgame, not a whole lot actually happens throughout. And a lot of the major plot points that were shown were unfortuna...
Top Reviewer
