Hi, Cyle I really enjoyed getting to read your story and am excited with the direction you're going to take it. Here were my thoughts on your script: I noticed your script relies a lot on the visual aspect to help move the story along. (I like to do this as well) I do wish that in the first 5 pages, I was able to understand the relationship between SVF and the Lycan Cerberus a little more. It's clear they have fought each other before. Maybe if they had more banter before the battle would be interesting. Pages 5-6: I would make the scene a little steamier. It's not common for strippers to kiss their clients especially if they haven't met before. Do they have a history together? I would go back and read your pages out loud to see if you misspelled words or typed something else instead of what you meant to say. I would extend the dialogue a bit. What I mean by that is, when people are upset or angry, they need to add extra words/questions instead of getting straight to the point. I think it's good to space out the action a little bit. I know that this is a short film but it's okay to give the audience a longer break when it comes to action/fighting scenes. Personally, I think it has potential. It will be interesting to see where you will take SVF's character development. I would watch this in my spare time. Great work on your story. Hopefully, this review will be helpful for you! Best of Luck.
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