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#Drama #Comedy
By
C
G
Faced with overwhelming hardship, a young woman escapes her personal life and enters the world of online modeling.
Awards
Approved
Winner Draft #2
Nominee Draft #1
Summary
5 Reviews |
61 pages |
2 years ago
|
Draft 2
Harper Ames is a 24-year-old student. Despite her healthy social life and new career in student teaching, she is drowning in personal woes. Her life is dominated by student debt, bulimia, relationship anxiety, and caring for her dying father who was recently diagnosed with cancer. The problems leave her feeling lonely and lost, and one day, she decides to relieve those feelings by creating an online profile to post lewd photos of herself. As she gains attention and adoration from her anonymous followers, she becomes drawn to the online world where she can not only forget, but perhaps, solve her real life problems.
Industry Reviews
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Peer Reviews
Ok, so this definitely one of the best first drafts I've read. It is really good. I think if you take all the criticism you gain, this will turn out to be a perfect script. I think for me one of the best things about this script is that it actually SHOWS and doesn't TELL. I've noticed that problem in so many first drafts, so it's nice to see a writer that understands. I really want to see more from this script, I'm excited to see what else comes...
Top Reviewer
I think you’ve done a fantastic job setting up intriguing characters who speak like real human beings as well laying the thematic groundwork for an emotionally charged TV series. If you focus in the story of your pilot a little more, and give it a bit more forward momentum, I think the pilot will be in pretty great shape.
Overall, this was a decent pilot episode. I think if the story was more creative and fleshed out and maybe even written more so like a feature length rather than an episode, it would turn out much better. Good luck!
Top Reviewer
Overall, if you do one more proofread, listen to it through readthrough.com (for hearing scripts in character voices - it's free!), then I'd recommend submitting to Blacklist or similar. I know the ending is controversial, but the whole film is a snippet into a woman's life. I may not personally agree with her adult action to a teenager online, but actions and decisions make sense to her. Touching on how she deals with [spoiler alert] the Eagle,...
This is a new scriptmother format, which is what it is. Here's the real review.
This is an excellent script. Everything is here. The characters, the plot, the relationships, the dialogue. EXCELLENT WORK on doing what you set out to do. I am not the target market. I'm actually the anti-market for this.
It's filled with woke points, so there's a definite market. By woke points I mean: "instruments of death eradicated from society", Father w...
Pg. 1. I like how you inform us about your main character through
her browsing history. Show don't tell!
Pg. 3. Harper hasn't spoken a word, but I already feel terrible for
her. See seems so obsessed with looking a certain way that she's
forcing herslef to vomit. While I haven't dealt with this problem
myself, I'm sure a lot of people will unfortunately be able to
relate to this.
Pg. 4. It's interesting how Harper keeps staring at...
Top Reviewer
