Interested in all types of stories. Started writing recently and using the website in order to receive feedback that will allow me to become a better writer. I will try my best to give good feedback and can only promise that I will give unbiased reviews but not necessarily professional level feedback.
Ultimately, I cannot recommend that anyone else read this script in its current state and cannot imagine that anyone would want to. The grammar and spelling mistakes are so numerous that I stopped taking any note of them after page 4 and started skimming whenever the errors became too plentiful. The characters are unrealistic and aren’t relatable because the dialogue is rigid and unbelievable. This script needs to be completely rewritten with careful attention paid to dialogue and minimization of grammar and spelling errors. I apologize for the harshness of the review but feel as if I was robbed of two hours making my way through this script.
Overall, this was a solid quaint story with serviceable dialogue and solid characters. Having read both scripts, this one is far better than the other and shows major progress as a writer; I would be very proud if I were you. Just an idea, because of the weakness of the first script, you probably aren’t getting to a sequel. If you were to trim the first script a bit and put it in this one via flashbacks and such, you would still get all the best parts of the original without having to rely on it to get someone to read the sequel. Plus it would booster the length without adding unnecessary filler.
Read a screenplay. If you read another script you will see what formatting should look like and why your script does not look how it’s supposed to. I would also look a little more into your characters and try and imbue them with more personality and character traits. When you define these personalities and make sure that the character’s dialogue matches the personality, the dialogue will seem more lively.
A gangster finds himself in a struggle for power against loyalists to his former boss.
A high school basketball player plays the game of his life and remembers the events that got him there.
A knight is gifted a magical set of armor to aid him a duel against a fearsome opposing knight.