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An emotionless void of a retelling of a Biblical classic

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Well-written script that needs to make conflict and stakes clear earlier.

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This screenplay develops an interesting concept but utterly ignores it, instead opting to focus on dull backstory and stagnant characters.

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A mostly unoriginal story that can’t juggle its many plot points and characters

The Creature by Marion Donnellier

#Drama #Sci-Fi/Fantasy

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Well-written short that could use a little more development

THE TATTOO MAN by Isaac Chiswesha

#Drama

A plethora of grammatical and spelling errors married with poor dialogue manufactures a challenge to read.

Again to Love: The Saga of Lily by Michael Kibler

#Romance #Drama

Solid story that shows major improvements from the original

Presto Change-O Phoebe by Gray Stanback

#Animation #Action/Adventure

Improper formatting and unnatural dialogue distract from a story that might otherwise be interesting

Angels Can Die by Kwesi Lewis

#Sci-Fi/Fantasy #Horror #Mystery/Suspense

The first episode really builds an interesting world, with maybe just a bit too much going on.

The Hunter by Cyle Brooks

#Horror #Action/Adventure

Well-written short that could use some more heart

Again to Love by Michael Kibler

#Romance #Drama

Needs some more character development and a central conflict throughout the story

Simon by Drew Langhart

#Drama

A very well-written short that seems more like an act

Again to Love by Michael Kibler

#Romance #Drama

A story without conflict or character isn’t much of a story at all.

Acrylic by Bruce Vancamp

#Drama

An intriguing short that could benefit from a protagonist with more character.

Legacy by D Scott Mangione

#Action/Adventure #History

A western with beautiful visuals

Hammer Hero by Jonathan Barbour

#Animation #Action/Adventure #Comedy

A couple of interesting, funny characters give this humorous story its backbone

The Sacrifice by Liam Treacy

#Drama #Horror

A short that's frankly too short

Genre by D Scott Mangione

#Family #Drama #Thriller

Structurally sound story of a man's ups and downs through life

A Cotton Moon by Zack Hosseini

#Mystery/Suspense #Drama

Engaging concept that's full of suspense and a pleasure to read

Shadow Walker by T. Cuesta

#Action/Adventure #Crime #Thriller

Well-written with a serviceable concept create an engaging story hurt only by stale dialogue

Sweet Tooth by CourierNew

#Drama

A compelling protagonist and interesting supporting characters drive an enthralling story of overcoming adversity.

The Resonance by T. Cuesta

#Action/Adventure #Sci-Fi/Fantasy

A confusing timeline hurts a decent concept that is plagued by stale dialogue and two-dimensional characters.

Following

Activity

Never Again television

Genre: Action/Adventure,History,Drama

Rating: 20%

Overall, this script needs a lot of work. The immediate concern should be the formatting issues highlighted in the script notes as it's unappealing to read and makes it seem like there wasn't much effort that went into the project. After that, I feel that the writer really needs to delve into their characters and discover what motivates them, see how this might lead them to conflict with other characters, and allow their emotions to really be seen. There definitely needs to be some sort of central conflict. Dialogue could use improvement, but for now focus on the other issues, and maybe trim out a few of the very repetitive lines.

0 Likes

Never Again television

Genre: Action/Adventure,History,Drama
A righteous man, Noah, is called by God to build an ark to be saved from a flood.

0 Likes

LINKED HEARTS short

Genre: Drama

Rating: 47%

Overall, the actual writing of this short is really strong. The issues lie in the story. Most of the elements are there except for the presentation of the conflict and development of character. When one looks at story structure there needs to be a little rising action and and exposition in order to give the climax some weight. If one skips to the climax without context it’s just the same as any random story beat. I think be ironing this out, the character development piece should naturally follow, as well.

0 Likes

Kathleen said

Ulysses Macargen - Thanks for the review. I was trying out something new with the two threads and your comments were extremely helpful.

Genre: Drama
When an old woman in the end stages of Alzheimer's suddenly recalls family milestones, she struggles to make sure her daughter knows she was briefly remembered and always loved before her mind forever fades away.

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Ulysses Macargen 1 year ago

completed a review for

Switch television

Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy,Drama

Rating: 20%

I think the immediate fix to this script would be to take a closer look at your characters and more closely define who they are. This should allow you to have the characters drive the story forward so it feels less like “and then this happened and then this” and like “this happened because of this”. I’d also cut anything that doesn’t clearly serve the plot which should become clearer once the plot is driven by the characters.

0 Likes

Ulysses Macargen 1 year ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Switch television

Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy,Drama
In a world where a unique form of time travel exists for usage by the general public, a depressed young man sends himself back in time in order to address his past regrets and make a better life for himself.

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Ulysses Macargen 2 years ago

completed a review for

Rani feature

Genre: Action/Adventure

Rating: 7%

Overall, this script covers no new ground and becomes increasingly frustrating to read as the poor dialogue and messy story structure snowball into what I can only describe as an unfortunate mistake if I am trying to be somewhat polite. For this script to be more successful, it needs to find a way to discover some originality in its genre, tighten up the plot, and really hone in on developing the characters.

0 Likes

Ulysses Macargen 2 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Rani feature

Genre: Action/Adventure
An Indian-American wrestler who becomes a superhero.

0 Likes

Ulysses Macargen 2 years ago

completed a review for

The Creature short

Genre: Drama,Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Rating: 67%

Overall, The Creature is a solid start to a story that needs a little more development in the latter portion of the story. The characters are well defined with room to grow, just as long as the themes continued to be extrapolated and explored.

0 Likes

Ulysses Macargen 2 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

The Creature short

Genre: Drama,Sci-Fi/Fantasy
When a socially anxious university student is offered a place in the synchronised swim team she worries it will reveal her terrible secret.

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McCracken Draft #2

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Player of the Game Draft #1

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Les Touristes Draft #2

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The Knight's Armor Draft #1

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Mosquitoes Draft #1

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Reviews

Never Again by James Odulaja

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LINKED HEARTS by Kathleen Hof

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Switch by Tyler Robertson

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Rani by Abdirizak Hirsi

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The Creature by Marion Donnellier

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THE TATTOO MAN by Isaac Chiswesha

Again to Love: The Saga of Lily by Michael Kibler

Presto Change-O Phoebe by Gray Stanback

Angels Can Die by Kwesi Lewis

The Hunter by Cyle Brooks

Again to Love by Michael Kibler

Simon by Drew Langhart

Again to Love by Michael Kibler

Acrylic by Bruce Vancamp

Legacy by D Scott Mangione

Hammer Hero by Jonathan Barbour

The Sacrifice by Liam Treacy

Genre by D Scott Mangione

A Cotton Moon by Zack Hosseini

Shadow Walker by T. Cuesta

Sweet Tooth by CourierNew

The Resonance by T. Cuesta

Following

Activity

Ulysses Macargen 1 year ago

Never Again television

Ulysses Macargen 1 year ago

Never Again television

Ulysses Macargen 1 year ago

LINKED HEARTS short

Ulysses Macargen 1 year ago

LINKED HEARTS short

Ulysses Macargen 1 year ago

Switch television

Ulysses Macargen 1 year ago

Switch television

Ulysses Macargen 2 years ago

Rani feature

Ulysses Macargen 2 years ago

Rani feature

Ulysses Macargen 2 years ago

The Creature short

Ulysses Macargen 2 years ago

The Creature short