The Script is great, and I loved it because it is just my type of story, The schizophrenia aspect is shown but needs more depth, that is if he really is schizophrenic!! The “Metal” talking to him in his head I believe should be embodied as if he sees himself in a mirror with his mirror self-talking and when you pan to his face, his mouth isn’t moving, like the green goblin in Sam Raimi’s Spiderman… or it could be an actual person he imagines like in the movie “Words on bathroom walls” great movie too!!! I could almost feel the rage, and I as an aspiring writer/actor, hate judgmental people like Justin!!! I would like to know more of Jeff’s background and A little bit of what caused him to want to sing metal!!! Overall, I love this story and hope that someday it gets made after you add the background and diagnosis if any to the story… I’d like to play Jeff in the movie!!

The Screenplay is just mindless chatter, there is some direction, but none of the direction makes much sense. It is hard to read, because it isn’t written in screenplay format, if it isn’t written correctly then no one will be able to visualize the scenes. It really is hard to review this when I expect one thing and get a totally different thing. The truth of the matter is deception and bad writing don’t work well on this platform, if I’m going to see that a script is three pages, I expect three pages, if it’s more than that, with a hard to read story, then I can’t really write much about the story because I couldn’t finish it… I go for the short scripts because they are just more interesting and easier to read, and I get what I expect. You need to change the page count on Script mother and maybe use celtx.com to get the correct format for the script. The screenplay should have some action by the fourth or fifth page to engage the reader/viewer… The characters are boring, and the mother doesn’t have much life to her. It’s best to add some oomph to the way they speak, and not really be monotonous. There really could be more to this if I could read it all and understood it… but it was too long for me and too boring. Help others by fleshing out the characters, what they look like, what they like to do aside from skateboarding and videogames. Hopefully you understand this as an attempt to help and not an attack, because it’s not meant to be an attack, just harsh honesty.