ScriptMother

Amari Russell

Establishing Shot
Favorite Genres:
Drama
Sci-Fi
Action

Reviewer Rating:
Scripts: 1
Reviews: 4

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Recent Activity

Amari Russell completed a review for
3 days ago
Amari Russell just claimed a review for a script.
3 days ago
Anima short
Genre: Drama
Logline: A struggling young man comes to a realization about life.
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1 week ago
Pianola feature
Genre: Drama
Logline: A young pianist at a prestigious university struggles with traumatic events on his path to becoming the greatest musician of all time.
Amari Russell completed a review for
1 week ago
Quit short
Genre: Drama,Family
Review Rating:

Well, to start off you did a good job considering the limitations of only being able to use three pages. A couple of things formatting-wise, when you're introducing a character their names have to be in all caps. The way you used parentheticals is okay but it's not really necessary. It can be used as an action line if you really need to have that in the story. For the most part, parentheticals are only needed when there's a group of people and the reader can know who's talking to who. On page one, where you have Finn speaks faintly. You can leave that out. You had a nice touch with Finn's dialogue when he says' Everyone else wa-' and Cillian interrupts him. That really makes the dialogue natural. When Finn says "Everyone else was going for it", I think doing it sounds better. When Cillian says " after what you've seen it do", I think a better way to word it would be after you've seen what it can do or after what you've seen. You also have him say 'fuckin' before Ethan. Maybe you can replace it with something else or take it out. On the second page where you have Cillian appears understanding, I think another way you word it is Cillian appears to understand but it doesn't last long when his worried state comes back into fluorescence. A good way to challenge yourself as a writer is to avoid words ending with -ing. You'll give better descriptions. I think you have a grammar mistake when Finn says' Dad was fine with me", I think that's supposed to be Dad was fine to me. Story-wise, it was well executed and had good dialogue.

Amari Russell just claimed a review for a script.
1 week ago
Quit short
Genre: Drama,Family
Logline: A student picks up his younger brother from school and discovers his dark secret.
Amari Russell completed a review for
1 week ago
Amari Russell just claimed a review for a script.
1 week ago
Family First short
Genre: Horror
Logline: A troubled teen leaves a note for his parents.
Amari Russell completed a review for
1 month ago
Dirty Laundry short
Genre: Drama,Romance
Review Rating:

To start off, this is a very beautiful story. I enjoyed reading it. You have a couple of grammar mistakes. When your characters ask a question, the sentence ends with a period and not a question mark? It's an easy fix and we all do it. The first page has a bit too much description. You can cut out the first sentence about the room and the hum of the washers. You can also take out the part about Edith's music from her headphones. You can maybe change it to something about her personality and walking into the laundromat listening to music. The part where you talk about Edith's blanket and say she has had it since she was a child doesn't need to be written. We can see it through how Mel and Edith interact and talk about it. Try to stay away from using "is" and "-ing" for your action lines. For example, you wrote," She is clearly trying to avoid something." You can put "She clearly tries" instead. Just as effective. A few ideas for you to consider: it's okay if you disagree. The part when Edith gives her monologue about who she was as a kid and how Mel came into her life, maybe you can write a flashback scene and do a voiceover of Edith talking while we as the audience see what life was like for her. If you have the time and resources, maybe you can try it. When you write spec scripts you don't write any camera angles or anything else of that matter. Towards the end, you wrote," 2 hands enter onto the screen,". You don't have to put that. But other than that, great stuff.

Amari Russell just claimed a review for a script.
1 month ago
Dirty Laundry short
Genre: Drama,Romance
Logline: Two childhood friends reconnect for the first time in years, while doing laundry of all things.
Amari Russell just claimed a review for a script.
1 month ago
Lock Your Doors short
Genre: Action/Adventure,Horror,Thriller
Logline: A group of college students are rudely awakened by a trio of armed home invaders.

Scripts

Pianola
Draft #1
Genre: Drama
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A young pianist at a prestigious university struggles with traumatic events on his path to becoming the greatest musician of all time.

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