I like where this story is going so far. The character really takes a look inward and makes decisions for himself accordingly. The first thing I wanna bring up is in the beginning he talks about life and death and in the end, he talks about no longer doing a short film. I think with that you can make it something more dramatic that adds tension to the plot because it sounds like he's simply struggling with writing a script. When you get to the montage maybe you can have the last part of his monologue spread out within that. By that I mean have a voiceover of him saying nature, people, architecture and we as the audience see that. It looks a bit off just having him say Screw the red herring and just back to the random clips. A few things in the montage can also get taken like Dubai, Moscow, and Tokyo. I don't think it adds to the story. One small detail in terms of writing, when it comes to spec scripts you shouldn't write out things like the camera pans or a character walking out of frame until the script it's done with revisions. From that point, it becomes a shooting script where camera directions are allowed. Try to also not use words with -ing. You have Tyler is heading up the stairs. You can put Tyler heads up the stairs instead. There are a few scenarios where it is fine like "typing at a keyboard". Other than that, it's a good story that I think will resonate with the reader and hopefully the audience when it's fully developed.
Well, to start off you did a good job considering the limitations of only being able to use three pages. A couple of things formatting-wise, when you're introducing a character their names have to be in all caps. The way you used parentheticals is okay but it's not really necessary. It can be used as an action line if you really need to have that in the story. For the most part, parentheticals are only needed when there's a group of people and the reader can know who's talking to who. On page one, where you have Finn speaks faintly. You can leave that out. You had a nice touch with Finn's dialogue when he says' Everyone else wa-' and Cillian interrupts him. That really makes the dialogue natural. When Finn says "Everyone else was going for it", I think doing it sounds better. When Cillian says " after what you've seen it do", I think a better way to word it would be after you've seen what it can do or after what you've seen. You also have him say 'fuckin' before Ethan. Maybe you can replace it with something else or take it out. On the second page where you have Cillian appears understanding, I think another way you word it is Cillian appears to understand but it doesn't last long when his worried state comes back into fluorescence. A good way to challenge yourself as a writer is to avoid words ending with -ing. You'll give better descriptions. I think you have a grammar mistake when Finn says' Dad was fine with me", I think that's supposed to be Dad was fine to me. Story-wise, it was well executed and had good dialogue.
I like where you went with this script. It was so dark and psychological. I could see it happening, so props for that. A couple of things I wanted to run by you. I don't think beats are necessary for this script in particular only because of the duration and it looks like you're only doing a one location type of film. On page one, instead of having Mom and Dad are sitting across from Brother and Sister, you could probably put Mom and Dad sit across from Brother and sister. When you go into the second action line you could probably put something like their lifeless bodies have their heads on the table with blood spewing from their slit throats. Really show what's going on. When you the Brother says the torment was too much, maybe you can make his monologue longer. This is just an idea, you don't have to use it, but what if you have the Brother stand up and walk around the table and as he stops by a family member he talks about the ways in which he was tormented by them. After he's done, he can stand behind his chair which can lead to him saying Family First. One small thing I wanna add, you have some grammar mistakes like," In front of his sets a little note". Make sure to do one or two read-throughs of the draft before submitting it. I wouldn't stress too much about grammar mistakes, but try to keep them to a minimum. Nice job so far.
To start off, this is a very beautiful story. I enjoyed reading it. You have a couple of grammar mistakes. When your characters ask a question, the sentence ends with a period and not a question mark? It's an easy fix and we all do it. The first page has a bit too much description. You can cut out the first sentence about the room and the hum of the washers. You can also take out the part about Edith's music from her headphones. You can maybe change it to something about her personality and walking into the laundromat listening to music. The part where you talk about Edith's blanket and say she has had it since she was a child doesn't need to be written. We can see it through how Mel and Edith interact and talk about it. Try to stay away from using "is" and "-ing" for your action lines. For example, you wrote," She is clearly trying to avoid something." You can put "She clearly tries" instead. Just as effective. A few ideas for you to consider: it's okay if you disagree. The part when Edith gives her monologue about who she was as a kid and how Mel came into her life, maybe you can write a flashback scene and do a voiceover of Edith talking while we as the audience see what life was like for her. If you have the time and resources, maybe you can try it. When you write spec scripts you don't write any camera angles or anything else of that matter. Towards the end, you wrote," 2 hands enter onto the screen,". You don't have to put that. But other than that, great stuff.