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LOGLINE: A Stranger with a sword and a Native American priest journey through Hell.


Winner Draft #1


5 Reviews | 111 pages | 3 years ago | Draft 1
A wandering Stranger, on a quest for revenge, cross paths with Adam, a Native American priest who is trying to leave his old life behind. Together they travel to the town of Black Pass, which is in the midst of a war with an angry tribe and their charismatic and dangerous leader. Not only will the wide cast of characters they meet along the way will challenge everything that they thought they knew about their beliefs, but they will also challenge each other.

Industry Reviews

You tell an excellent and exceptional story. The riveting, action-packed sequences are very much empowered by the large range of strong and distinctive characters, which develop in their own way and leave almost no questions unasked.

There are two fundamental issues you should address prior to shopping your script, and/or entering the screenwriting competition circuit. The first is technical, and more essential, and that is your action descrip...

Peer Reviews

I really enjoyed this. Very high-octane, action packed. I couldn't help but see a lot of influences in this -- KILL BILL, APOCALYPSE NOW, UNFORGIVEN, to name a few. Very fast read, very well written. I'm not usually into westerns, but this kept my attention.

The characters were great. The Stranger was just a straight up, classic Western bad-ass, which I loved. And his relationship with Adam was great. An unlikely bond. The Stranger his protect...
-I enjoyed the story on the whole. The pacing is solid. The description is clear and vivid throughout.

-The first 20-30 pages kept me interested though I was never truly enthralled by the story. But things kept happening and their were enough turn of events that I was never disinterested.

-I think it would be good to give bit of physical description when the characters are first introduced to help me envision what they look like.

Very solid first ten pages. The only lingering problem I see is an inconsistent voice with the characters. They need to sound like they're from the old west.

The world is set up very well. I like the feeling of going from the forest to the ferry to the town, meeting fun characters along the way, it sets the world well. Still some dialogue problems that should be fixed in another draft. Some scenes could be snappier....
Here were my thoughts on your script:

1. Concept - While not the most original concept, you definitely had fun with it and worked with it to the best of your ability.

2. Story - The story was a really compelling one with some pretty realistic moments with confronting insecurities and inner demons. The story was very well written.

3. Structure - Aside from a few prolonged action or dialogue sequences, your script was incredibly easy to fo...

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