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Overall, the idea is solid and the characters are given their own situation with regard to romance and love. The central idea, however, must be nailed down and the characters must revolve around this exclusively. Exposition must be shown by actions and decisions rather than told through the character dialogue.
Overall, a really appealing story and very marketable. I think there's a very good balance of drama and thrilling action, but I think the suspense can be engineered a little better. Yes, we know this is about demons and the inner struggle between good and evil, and there is a lot of information packed in with all the different factions in the storyline. But, I think if you're able to remove a lot of the pointless dialogue you'll have more room to write more effective scenes that build and build into great sequences that provide that suspense and keep your audience engaged
Overall, your concept is great, and I see the story here. It just needs to be retold. This takes lots of brainstorming and introspective studying of not only who your characters are on the inside, but deep down, what you are trying to say with your script. What is the central idea? To me, the central idea needs to be something like this: No matter how much horror and violence a person commits, love and human contact will always have a shot at bringing him back to Earth. Keep your central idea on your mind at all times, and never stray from it when writing your script or even outlining your story. This way, you will stick to the main point, and the action scenes and conflicts will manifest into a real solid story.
Overall, a very solid script that definitely ahs potential to be a longer feature. It begins and ends well and you stick to your premise
The Climax is definitely the best part of your script. It is satisfying twist that gives your audience a glimpse into this new world where art comes to life and can help aid this dimension that happens to be in danger. What your script needs, though, is far more tension that builds toward this amazing climax. It needs more anger, more tears, more heartache, and scenes that leave us hanging with these feelings until they bleed naturally into the next scene, thus creating the sequences needed to make a lasting impact. All of this will give your climax even more power and impact. The good news is that the issues discussed within your dialogue, structure and character development are more than ready to be tackled in your next rewrite. This is because your sequence of events are already in place, for the most part.