Movies Awards Industry
6 months ago

In A Fictional World Where The Best Movies Win Awards, Here's What The Oscars Would Look Like

The year is 2023, and the last great film to win the Oscar for Best Picture was Moonlight (2016). That means virtually every human on the planet between age 20-30 has spend the vast majority of their existence believing that the Oscars is an award ceremony for awful films.

Not only that, but the list of winners has become gradually unbearable over the past 13 years. Lets take a trip, shall we?

The Hurt Locker2010Nothing special
The King’s Speech2011Remarkably unremarkable
The Artist2012Self-indulgent
12 Years a Slave2014Nothing special. Extremely mediocre
Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)2015THE DROUGHT HAS ENDED! BRAVO!
Spotlight2016One of the most boring
films of all time
Moonlight2017Pinnacle of Cinema πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘
The Shape of Water2018Extremely mediocre
Green Book2019Are you f**king serious?
Parasite2022Decent by Korean Film standards πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘
Nomadland2021Uninspiring, forced nonsense.

The 95th Oscars will be no different, as this year's nominees for Best Picture represent some of the least inspiring films of 2023.


  • ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT - Despite overwhelming positive reviews, the fact remains that this is a remake of the 1930 film. There are no groundbreaking battle scenes, and there are no new innovative ideas to garner a best picture nod.
  • ELVIS - You know those Elvis impersonators that are always lingering at tourist attractions? Well this is exactly that, but on a big screen.
  • EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE - Don't listen to what the media is telling you. When it comes to storytelling and cinema, there's nothing groundbreaking or special about this film. Beneath the trippy sequences and multiverse concepts, the story, plot, structure, and character development are mediocre at best. If anything, your imagination as a screenwriter surpasses whatever nonsense takes place in the Multiverse.
  • THE FABELMANS - A touching memoir from Spielberg, but once again, the man behind so many legendary blockbusters doesn't have much to say.
  • TOP GUN: MAVERICK - Way what you want about this impressive remake of a corny 1980s action flick, but Top Gun: Maverick's only purpose was to prolong the slow and painful death of movie theaters.
  • TRIANGLE OF SADNESS - A poor knock-off of the TV series White Lotus. If this is what makes a nominee for Best Picture, the world of cinema is in a truly horrific state.

In a perfect world, the best films would compete for best picture. It's an unfortunate circumstance, but so many Oscar-worthy films are either ignored or brushed aside, only to see the light of day but never the light of our TV screens. But you might ask, what exactly makes a truly Oscar-worthy film? Who are we to judge which films should be showered with the utmost prestige?

The answer is quite simple--Just watch the films on this list of worthy nominees for best picture:

2023 BEST PICTURE NOMINEES (In a perfect world, of course)


It is extremely difficult to create an original story while maintaining the elements that make horror what it is. Barbarian does an almost perfect job, as it provides a modern-day twist on Psycho that stands above the genre of horror film.

The Northman

A star-studded, classic tale of revenge and destiny. The hero's journey is told in bloody, brutal fashion in Robert Eggers film about a viking who swears vengeance for the murder of his father in order to ascend to glory in the eyes of the viking gods. Stunning visuals and cinematography make The Northman an absolute contender for best picture of the year.

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent

"Comedy gold" is at its utmost in this action-packed bromance starring Nicolas Cage (as Nicolas Cage) with Pedro Pascal. This 90s style action blockbuster is not only a fan favorite, but stands on its own in the realm of original blockbusters.

The Fallout

Jenna Ortega is perhaps the biggest start to come out of 2022, but despite the vast body of work she's encompassed in just a short amount of time, perhaps even she would affirm that The Fallout is the most powerful and thought-provoking performance of her career (so far). The coming-of-age story of high school teen who finds unlikely friendship in the aftermath of a school shooting is well-deserving of an Oscar nod.

The Worst Person in the World

Paul Thomas Anderson called it "the best movie in the world". Released on Apple TV, the Norwegian film spans four years in the life of a woman as she navigates love, loss and unspeakable heartbreak to discover herself. The film is brilliantly shot, filled with its own brand of heartache in imaginative scenes that are unmatched in not only 2022, but most romantic dramas.


In the list of action films of 2022, RRR stands above all the other blockbusters, even Top Gun: Maverick. The film follows two freedom fighters who launch an epic crusade against British colonials in pre-independent India. filled with special effects and action sequences in a style unseen in both Hollywood and Bollywood, RRR is a testament to the notion that blockbuster epics have so much more to offer.

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Cinema is always a personal taste and choice. There really is no right or wrong. You hated The Artist. I thought it was great. I also love silent movies. I think where we agree is The Academy Awards is supposed to remove the personal taste and choice and nominate the BEST films of the year. Then it's up to the voters to vote for their favorites. Who did the BEST work? Unfortunately, years ago they decided to change BEST to DIVERSE. I hated TAR (long and beyond boring). I thought EVERYTHING was okay. It had its problems. But, I didn't turn it off. I wasn't impressed in the least. Everyone gave good performances. Yeoh certainly didn't knock my socks off. Curtis was actually very good. I understand her winning (given who she was up against). If I had to choose between Blanchett's Tar performance (a movie I hated) and Yeoh? It's not even a contest. Blanchett deserved it. Blanchett had a multi-layered character, and she pulled it off seamlessly. Granted, the script, editing, and directing sucked. But, BEST between those two performances? It's not even a choice in the real world. We don't live in the real world anymore. As long as you're not a white male, you have a decent chance of getting nominated, and a better chance to win. NOT for being the BEST, but for your gender and skin color. That's fucking pathetic. Overall filmmaking is going down the drain. For the youngsters (this site is filled with them) YES IT IS GOING DOWN THE DRAIN. But this is your generation of crap. In the future, the classics will still be classics, and this shit will be forgotten. Just like the music kids are producing now. Since computers and the internet came into vogue, art has sunk to all-time lows. THANK YOU children.
"As long as you're not a white male, you have a decent chance of getting nominated". You do realise that only white guys were nominated for best actor, and of course, Brendan won. Don't get me wrong, I don't have an agenda here, and I largely agree with them focussing more on diversity than talent, but your hypothesis is wrong. The only categories a white guy wouldn't get are ones that are specifically for women, like best supporting actress or best actress. Most of the wins this year were for a movie made by men. White men, I might add. "Overall filmmaking is going down the drain. For the youngsters (this site is filled with them) YES IT IS GOING DOWN THE DRAIN. But this is your generation of crap." Filmmaking is not going down the drain because of diversity, if you really want someone to blame, blame studios like DISNEY who control most of the market and saturate it with the same boring shit over and over again, meanwhile the really good independent movies with so much to say barely get a foothold. The only reason diversity becomes a problem in cinema is when these large corporations like Disney do it for no other reason than to get revenue from the woke crowd. There are plenty of great movies that have good diversity, case in point, this years Oscar winner, Everything Everywhere All At Once, and of course there's some legitimately shit ones. Again, I don't have an agenda, I'm not woke, I hate P.C. culture and what it's done to people, but again, if you want to blame the slow downfall of cinema on anything, blame it on the corporations like Disney who do nothing but pander and make formulaic decisions based on what they think will sell, and force genuinely good movies out of the theatres, not on a new generation of humans who have mostly only been exposed to this kind of media by corporations controlled by PREVIOUS generations. And I do agree to a degree that the judgement at the oscars is clouded quite a bit by a need to satisfy a diverse audience, but that was largely unseen this year.
My hypothesis isn't wrong. You're taking it too literally. If only white guys were nominated, what does that say about the rest? How bad were they? You disagree, yet you agree they focus on diversity over talent. What's the definition of BEST? It's pathetic and sad how context and definition have been removed from culture. How many years did people chant "Oscars so white"? Please do yourself a favor and google search "academy awards we so white" (I couldn't remember the chant) and see how many links there are to people still bitching about diversity of nominees in 2023 (hell, you mentioned it yourself). With all this, you blame Disney. Disney is bleeding profits. Their streaming service is losing them billions. Why? Diversity alone isn't the problem (again taking it too literally), pushing diversity and agenda is. Diversity is part of the agenda. That's what every filmmaker is doing. Do white women only date or marry black men now? Black women must be lonely and feel unloved. Is every group hanging out in a mixed basket of race? In the America that we live in, does film show the true American landscape? Does it show an accurate depiction of the world we live in? If it doesn't (It sure as hell doesn't). What it shows, is it in a positive or negative light? What's the goal? What are filmmakers pushing on the public? Why are they pushing it on the public? From your avatar you haven't lived long enough to understand what film used to be. There were thousands of theatres everywhere. It was the #1 date destination, and general pastime till the early 2000s. We're not talking Marvel or Disney, we're talking all films. You didn't have one or two choices, you had dozens. Multiplexes packed for every film. There were NY theatres that would practically be open 24 hours a day. Pretty much every budgeted movie pre Pieces of April (the first digital movie, which is excellent) is watchable. You might not like it. But, you won't think "Why was this shit made?" Now, 9 out of 10 films are absolute garbage. 5 out of those 10 I turn off after 20 - 40 minutes. I always try to get to the second act. Get Out - Best screenplay? In what world is that? Promising Young Woman filled with plot holes also Best Screenplay. What do they have in common? They're not white men. Did they win for any other reason? Fuck, NO.
I sincerely hope most of this is a joke
The King's speech and Green Book were great, be quiet.