HASTINGS and LAWSON dialogs read like the same person. I would make one strong and one weak. LAWSON Wait, where the hell did you get an E-M-P? HASTINGS I’m an amateur electrician in my off-time. Where the hell do you think I got it? To LAWSON Where the FUCK did you get an E-M-P? HASTINGS I’m, I'm... My dad was electrician and I pick up a few things from him. I lost interest at page 30. It like spy does this and spy dose that. I'm not reading any emotions from the page. I'm not into the story. All the characters are the same. Like when Lawson is in the bar and has no clue how to deal with her. Hasting tries to help through a window? Huh how is that help?

Overall I'm starting to like your script. It is reading better. It flows better. You need to look at the Additional Notes. I hope you realize that all your descriptions of fight scenes will be replace if picked up by a studio with the words: "Fight Scene" :) This version has the same beats of the one I read before. It does read better but I left you a few notes on some improvements. The end of the script where the hero has the choice of saving one out of two people to save. Is a trope that has been worn out. Consider changing it.

I was very confused by page 3. See Notes. By page 10 I was forcing myself to read the script. Is it that bad, Not really. I have read worst here on Script Mother. I was board by page 15. You have an animation with live characters. But it like skits that are just one after another. You could add more information on the action lines. You start with someone in a incubator that I think goes into a dream state. But how did Jeff get there? My overall opinion is that their could be a ton of improvement. Add more to the actions lines without making the script a book. If you can't film with you wrote. It's no longer a script but it's a book. I have see a lot worst on Script Mother but you have a few. Now I'm on page 27. It's unreadable. See notes. The actions make no sense.