So, the script is listed as a comedy, the problem is that it isn’t funny. It has a compelling concept but the pros really end there. So what I most recommend you work on is telling an actually effective story with believable and emotionally compelling characters before adding in a bunch of jokes. Aside from that, you have a few formatting and spelling mistakes all over the place which is also why I recommend reading your script over and out loud. Good luck.

Overall, this is a fair attempt at a first draft. You really gotta find an actual story to tell here, rather than some random events in someone's life. Obviously, you have some pretty good ideas for what you want shots or scene transitions to look like, but you should be more concerned with substance rather than style, so focus on improving your story, give your characters depth, and make natural dialogue. I hope this helped you, and I look forward to what comes from this in the future :)

In summary, the script isn't anywhere near perfect, but it certainly has the roots of a good sequel and send-off to the characters after the first. I highly recommend working on your structure and trying to add a beat more meat to your story to get it up to 90 pages. Good luck...

Overall, this is over-the-top, unrealistic and even funny at times. It requires a ton of touchups in order to be a truly fun script to read, so my main focus for you would be the characters and the dialogue. The characters are what drive your story forward, and unnatural dialogue really takes readers out of the script. Looking forward to what comes next...