SVF Reborn Again (Updated Draft 2) feature
#Action/Adventure #Thriller #Horror
By
Cyle
Brooks
Has SVF finally met his match?
Awards
Approved
Nominee Draft #9
Nominee Draft #6
Nominee Draft #4
Nominee Draft #3
Nominee Draft #2
Summary
4 Reviews |
102 pages |
1 year ago
|
Draft 9
SCRIPT 2/3 IN SVF TRILOGY.
With villains no longer running rampant throughout the city, SVF wants to take time to live a more normal life with Veronica. However, once they thought things were starting to look up, everything takes a turn is when a night out is interrupted by Victor and Ice Reaper. Although, what first seems like a typical ambush by two baddies, the tables turn when another new menace enters the scene, and he may be more than a match for SVF.
Contains extended sequences of strong brutal bloody violence and gore throughout, pervasive language, crude sexual content and nudity, and drug use.
With villains no longer running rampant throughout the city, SVF wants to take time to live a more normal life with Veronica. However, once they thought things were starting to look up, everything takes a turn is when a night out is interrupted by Victor and Ice Reaper. Although, what first seems like a typical ambush by two baddies, the tables turn when another new menace enters the scene, and he may be more than a match for SVF.
Contains extended sequences of strong brutal bloody violence and gore throughout, pervasive language, crude sexual content and nudity, and drug use.
Industry Reviews
Overall it's a very action-packed script, and on the surface, it takes SVF's journey to a whole other level, which is great. So it shows that you have the general story in place, but the story needs so much more when it comes to characters, context, motivations and goals. At times it feels like these characters are fighting for the simple sake of fighting. See audio notes at end for more detail.
Top Reviewer
Peer Reviews
As stated earlier, the dialogue is killing this script. And not in a good way. Taking the time to fix the dialogue, in my opinion would help with all of the characters and their development as the story plays out.
Having read the first two, I am looking forward to reading the third one, if that is still going to happen. Good luck on your drafts and reviews in the future.
Top Reviewer
Everything in this sequel lives up to the original. Cyle created a villain that, in my opinion, was better than satan, which was the original and makes you excited to read this one. This is definitely centered towards more horror lovers with high action sequences, as I have said in the previous one, but I fall into this category of movies I like. There arer errors in the script in teregardingmatical issues and story but nothing over the top or cr...
Top Reviewer
Your Act breaks were in the right places, as well as your turning points leading to them, but I feel like you crammed about 30 pages of actual story into 102 pages of screenplay. The rest is just action set pieces and over-the-top dialogue. Also, your characters still need some work with characterization and believable motives.
All in all, this was a fun read with fantastic action. I wish you the best in your rewrites. Let me know if you’d lik...
Top Reviewer
Overall I'm starting to like your script. It is reading better. It flows better. You need to look at the Additional Notes.
I hope you realize that all your descriptions of fight scenes will be replace if picked up by a studio with the words: "Fight Scene" :)
This version has the same beats of the one I read before. It does read better but I left you a few notes on some improvements.
The end of the script where the hero has the choice...
A lot of energy and violence, but we don't know what's going on because we didn't see the prior episode. Same phenomenon with regard to characters: we need to see a prior episode to discover who they are and, in some cases, even what they are.
Dialogue is stilted, throwaway stuff that usually consists of one character hurling threats and insults at another.
Every major character seems to harbor rage against every other major character, but...
Top Reviewer
So overall, the script isn't too bad. It really requires touch-ups in order to be a perfect script, the structure needs to be improved and smoothened out, you gotta work on giving legitimate reasons for things to happen, and, and I cannot stress this enough, do something about the dialogue. You can make it sound as edgy as you want, but don't sacrifice any naturalism in the dialogue for wanting it to sound super mature. Hope this helps :)
Top Reviewer
I like it and feel like it would be highly entertaining to watch.
It just needs something to tie together all of the character motivations (and to do that, the characters need motivations).
I would be honored to read another draft if you get around to it, and I had a great time reading this one.
Top Reviewer
It's hard to know if I'm missing context that would make the action scenes more meaningful. The action scenes are well thought out and written. There are strong visuals portrayed in these portions of the script but the story completely loses me. I actually loved the first 10 pages. The characters were more defined and it actually had excellent suspense and horror elements. After that, the element of horror is gone and I felt like I was thrown int...
Is the Concept strong/original? No. I kind of stop caring when mercenaries came out of no where for no reason.
Does the logline/first ten pages draw the reader? No, Logline is too short. First ten pages are OK. They setup the rest of the story and doing their job.
Are scenes well-written? Some minor details on characters or settings would help. Don't go overboard.
Is the protagonist/antagonist compelling enough? Yes, very compelling. Y...
It being a trilogy. I might have jumped the gun in the character development and overall story arc. But, reading it as a single script, a lot more can be done. The fight scenes are great. Do not touch them. The backstory into the antagonists are what need to be fixed. Once that is dealt with, it should be fine. Hopefully this review was not too bad for you. Good luck on your script.
Top Reviewer
It reads very similar to the first one in terms of action scenes and gore violence. It is still an all out slugfest. And even the characters mention that as well.
Zombiathan was by far the most sinister, Victor with his wit and banter with everyone else in the screenplay. Ice Reaper is somewhere in between. Killing off the Mayor in the manner that it was not only got rid him, but will use his death to add more depth to SVF and Veronica.
As stat...
Top Reviewer
I enjoyed your story. I've read some of your SVF work before, and I think the writing and dialogue have been tightened up significantly. One thing that really stuck out to me was SVF being willing to kill Zombiathan, but left VIctor and Ice Reaper alive despite them killing dozens of people. That seemed a bit weird, and I'd like to see it explained why.
You also did a good job humanizing SVF. He wants a family, and he cares for the orphans. Bu...
Top Reviewer
While assuming this screenplay is a sequel, the screenplay jumps in en media res picking up where the presumed previous entry ended. Unfortunately, this leaves the reader a bit lost, as the action lines discuss previous information unknown to the reader. One key example is that the protagonist, SVF, isn't introduced in an industry standard format, leaving the reader unsure what he looks like. Because of this set up, the reader never really ge...
Top Reviewer
