Awards
Approved
Winner Draft #1
Summary
3 Reviews |
140 pages |
1 year ago
|
Draft 1
Martin is an eight-year-old boy who only wishes to have a true friendship with another kid. One day he and his parents move to a small town in Illinois, and he befriends a young African American boy named Ben. But there's just one problem, Martin's parents are neo-nazis...
(Contains heavy course language).
(Contains heavy course language).
Industry Reviews
One thing I would recommend is to make things a little more modern in your script. The racist language seems way more overtly used in your script than it is in real life. It's so overt that it seems comical. If it was the 1950s, I'm sure that language would have been throw around more, but in the modern day it's rarely used even amongst white supremecists. In fact, I would remove all of that language altogether and just used it very occasionally...
Top Reviewer
Peer Reviews
All in all, this was a great read that tackled serious subject matter well without teetering into the dreaded woke territory. The only things I can recommend are remove the two unnecessary characters and changing up the dialogue lines to make it flow even better. Good luck!
Top Reviewer
Is the Concept strong/original? No, I have seen this story before. The ending is kind of new.
Are scenes well-written? They are just so-so. They are long and drawn out.
Is the protagonist/antagonist compelling enough? You have two protagonist, the boys and two antagonist, the fathers. I would have had Ben's father earlier in the script. It fine where you introduce him, but because he is on of the antagonist maybe a good change would have hi...
Are scenes well-written? They are just so-so. They are long and drawn out.
Is the protagonist/antagonist compelling enough? You have two protagonist, the boys and two antagonist, the fathers. I would have had Ben's father earlier in the script. It fine where you introduce him, but because he is on of the antagonist maybe a good change would have hi...
