24 year old Jake Tanner has lived his life filled with nothing but regrets. However, he finally decides to put an end to his unfulfilling life by making use of a limited form of time travel that exists: Sending your consciousness back into a whole new timeline. Jake sends his consciousness back into his 13 year old middle school body and begins living a new life from there while still containing all memories and experiences that he's accumulated from growing up in his original timeline.
Overall this is a great concept and I absolutely love the major twist at the end. It really throws the audience for a loop and makes them eager to find out what happens next. I would definitely suggest making the dialogue and scenes more dynamic and placing higher stakes on your protagonist's life. This will take your script to the next level when it comes to producing a well-crafted and solid TV pilot.
An impressive pilot at what I think is going to be an interesting series. I have already said that the way you have built time travel in the world you created is the most interesting so far. I can honestly say that I'm sorry about every major character in your story. I can say that I know people who if they had the chance would make the same choice as your character.
And it hurts me to admit this. Which is a very good emotional tool.
The begin...
Overall, this is a very interesting script. It leaves the reader with a very good cliffhanger and keeps us hooked. I would love to see more from this, all I'd say is work a tad on your dialogue and a bit more on fleshing out the overall world they live in, as this is clearly quite an advanced world if one can transfer their consciousness through time. Otherwise, well done.
Teenage Claire Hasley, a sufferer of social anxiety, faces her worst fears in the town of Fairfax, where a once buried malevolence quietly consumes the townspeople and plays out their societal roles.
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