This is a really cool concept, but to be fair, it does have its cliches, specifically the "parent doing anything to save their child" cliche. The first few pages really dragged me in. You cut right to the action from line one, which I really enjoyed. The scenes flowed nicely, and I didn't find myself having to backtrack to figure out what was going on. The use of somewhat minimal dialogue is a nice touch, it really keeps the focus on the action, and not on some wisecrack or something. The only real complaint about flow is it seems too slow near the end. Just my opinion, anyway. I thought the ending was really sweet, even if it leaves some questions to be answered. This was a very good read, and I think if you made those improvements you'd be ready to shoot!