Lock Your Doors short
#Action/Adventure #Horror #Thriller
By
Cyle
Brooks
A group of college students are rudely awakened by a trio of armed home invaders.
Awards
Approved
Winner Draft #1
Summary
9 Reviews |
9 pages |
2 years ago
|
Draft 1
Adam and his friends are awakened by a trio of home invaders, all of them armed. Things go downhill as the true plan for the home invaders is revealed.
Contains strong horror violence, terror, disturbing content, and language.
Contains strong horror violence, terror, disturbing content, and language.
Industry Reviews
If the intention of this short is to condemn the endemic violence of America and the toxic masculinity of frat boy culture then I salute you. And there were some intense action scenes and brutal violence on the script - that part was well executed. But the underlying story dynamics just weren't there. Currently, this is just an orgy of violence with very little story or character development and no greater meaning. I recommend finding clarity on...
Top Reviewer
Peer Reviews
I am an armature so take my feedback with a grain of salt. Overall, it was a fun read! The concept felt kind of ridiculous, but it worked in a funny dark way. The action lines were well phrased and the pacing was good.
I was confused by what Jaden's plan was. So he just wanted his fraternity brothers to scare Adam into giving away his trophy, but then Jack accidentally shoots the two girls and it takes a crazy violent turn. why would Jaden th...
Top Reviewer
So, this script is, how should I put it?
Nuts, its absolutely nuts, and I think that's a good thing. A bloody fiasco all because of some sort of sorority competition. It's kinda weird, but it's fun. I really liked reading this. The violence, the dialogue, it all just made me think "Tarantino" (who happens to be my favourite director).
If you worked at it, you could definitely make this into a feature-length script, with this being the dram...
Top Reviewer
I think some action lines are not necessary for a spec script draft such as 'Adam looks at her' / 'Amelia looks up at Adam, eyes squinted tightly.' It takes the flow out the dialogue. It'll work just fine without all the actor direction and redundant parenthetical. Another example of this is 'All of the intruders show their hands, all of them having a
weapon of their one.' (*own* is a typo here) - I think that it can be more listed rather than g...
I think the opening to this this was really good and it got my interest. Quite a few characters are introduced and we don’t get a feel for any of them at all but its forgivable in this scenario as we get straight to the point as a house invasion kicks off and I feel we can catch up with who they are later. The initial build up of tension up to the firing of the shotgun is good, only slightly dissipated by two characters leaving the room and havin...
An energetic action short with thriller/ horror tones, this short has a great deal more potential, should it be fleshed out. The protagonists are introduced en media res as a group of largely unconscious college students. This opening is then quickly transitioned to the main plot. In such a short opening sequence, we learn little about the protagonists that would cause us to care for them. This first act could do well to be expanded, as it is...
Top Reviewer
Overall, there is a market for this type of film. The horror community loves this type of stuff. And home invasion thrillers are pretty easy and cheap to make.
However, the writer needs to focus on giving this story more of a purpose for existing. Currently, the story is very weak. The break-in happens, violence ensues and most of them die. It's a pointless exercise in violence and the story completely falls flat. Giving the characters more c...
Top Reviewer
You have an excellent one that needs more material to improve it. I was not expecting it to be this gory, but I think it made it an enjoyable read, and I even gasped a couple of times from some of the kills. There were some fun twists and incredible action, and everything worked well together. I loved the offbeat comedy you used throughout the script, as I had a couple of chuckles, and it was well-written. Each character was fun and exciting and...
Top Reviewer
It's a little different. Obviously, you can draw it out, but then it wouldn't be a short, it would be a full script. I don't understand exactly what happened at the XXX games. Is it a sex thing? It seems like a sex thing. That would be something you could easily flesh out without adding extra pages.
Top Reviewer
