I love screenwriting as much as giving reviews to any great screenplays, so send me yours at email@example.com for me to check it out. Please read my screenplays and give me your most thorough reviews for me to improve and become better at screenwriting. Thank you!
The story itself, as short as it is, is good. It is the typical "woman getting romantically ready for her date" scene. However, the character wasn't fully (or partially) developed. I would really love to know more about this woman, and even how she met this guy in the first place. The structure of the script is good enough for what it is, but since most of it is like a list of what the woman is doing to prepare for her date, I recommend you shorten the sentences a bit, therefore also making it seem like these are more natural and usual actions for the main character. Also, it would have been much better if the main character would have had a proper name, rather than simply "She". However, as she is portrayed somewhat as a mysterious woman, I would say it is fine to call her "She" for now; but if you ever intend to expand your script, make sure to give her a better name. I know that all scenes in the script, are indoors (in the main character's apartment), but you should really add the "INT:" to the beginning of every scene heading - just to follow the rules of screenplay formatting and structure. Furthermore, when introducing characters, you should capitalise their name. I know you have done this with MISTER but forgot to with the main character. One more thing I would like to add is something important to do with sounds in screenwriting. After the main character's shower, her phone buzzes for a message from her date. When an important sound is heard, make sure to capitalise the main SINGLE word of the sound. In this case, you should write: "Her phone BUZZES from a text", as it is a main sound of the story. If you want, I can rewrite this script with my suggestions as an adaptation (including a name for the main character) and pass it on to you by email. (My email is down below.) I can also add a little more to the story, like both its past and future, but of course only with your permission. Thank you for reading through this long comment; and sorry for having made it way too long. Please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you have any questions. You can also contact me if you have any other (more general) questions and/or doubts about screenwriting. I will be more than pleased to help fellow screenwriters.
email@example.com This is not a screenplay! I have not read it, since it is not formatted as one. What I think could be going on is that the writer has accidentally uploaded his/her plan for the screenplay and not the actual screenplay. I prefer reading the script when the corrected version has been uploaded. Also, as a separate note to the writer, in case he/she is not aware of this, there is a blank page at the end of the submitted PDF file. Just letting them know, in case they want to send it to someone or print it out (does not affect the story itself). Thank you for reading through this review. Please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you have any questions. You can also contact me if you have any other (more general) questions and/or doubts about screenwriting. I will be more than pleased to help fellow screenwriters.
I know this story is quite short so there isn't much to work with when reviewing it. This would work really well for some kind of notice or informative footage to be broadcast on TV from a medical point of view with the intention of raising awareness of the correct dosage of medicine (I don't know; this is just an idea for the writer, in case they wanted to take this script to another level). The descriptions and actions are very well written, concise and very illustrative. However, I did find the dialogue between Tyler and the creature a bit strange. I know that he's feeling sick and everything and probably wouldn't have the energy to give much of a reaction, but he seems way too cool and comfortable with a creature having just walked out into his room from a closet. The end is great and it concludes the story fairly well, so good job to the writer on that. There isn't much else to say, apart from tiny little details listed below: - The main character doesn't really need a name; he could just be referred to as "Man" since he has so few lines and actions. - Writing "unseen creature" doesn't sound right. If the creature is unseen, how do you know it's a creature. A possible improvement for this would be to just describe it as a shadow/silhouette or a black/dark figure (something that describes what Tyler (or Man) would see through the darkness of his room. - The "FADE IN:" and "FADE OUT." lines are not needed. Many screenwriters do this, but it is completely unnecessary to include these instructions as they are for a potential director when shooting this. Basically, it is pretty obvious that you would fade in when the story starts and then fade out when it ends. - Some parts of the script are in bold. Usually, any format changes like these are for later versions of the script when a production team goes through it. Again, these are minor notes, and shouldn't be taken too serious (the script is great the way it is; aside from the poor dialogue).