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Pine

short
By David Martin
Mystery/Suspense

A teenage boy stops eating when he suspects his parents are trying to poison him.

Approved
Peer Rating: 49%
Industry Rating: N/A
3 Reviews | 15 pages | 3 years ago | Draft 1

Summary

A teenage boy confides in his female friend that he thinks his parents are trying to poison him for unknown reasons and stops eating.

Industry Reviews

Peer Reviews

It was a cute story, but honestly didn't make too much sense with that ending.

The story hung on Carwyn not eating due to his thinking that his parents were poisoning him and 2 issues come up with that...
1. He spots out the mint that Elaine gives him (at this point it's apparent that she's his best friend/love interest, so why would he spit her mint out if he thinks his parents are the ones poisoning him)
2. It's revealed that he wasn't ea...

1 year ago | read more...
Concept is original. Good.
Plot is good.
The first three pages are interesting. Well done.
Protagonist is interesting but could be better.
The dialogue is good but could be better.
Scenes are written well.
The end is good.
The pacing is good.

1 year ago | read more...
Chukwuma Amobi Top Reviewer
The script is beautifully written. Every movement and action is well coordinated and the reader can easily flow at the pace of the story. The story itself is good enough, and well planned. However, I feel like a big part of the story is missing toward the end. Did Carwyn really not eat because he's in love?

If yes, you should include (earlier on in the script) some reasons why Carwyn suspected the poisoning. Maybe he saw them put something in...

1 year ago | read more...

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