First, I noticed some technical errors you think you should fix in the script. When presenting new characters, you want to put them in all caps. For example, MAT: 26 is alone and scared in the warehouse and doesn't trust the machinery. Or something like that. After establishing a character, you only need to capitalize them again if there is a significant time jump, which you do not use. Also, you want to put sounds in all caps too. Please ensure...

1 week ago | read more...

This is a good story that very few would be able to understand or visualize from this script.

We don't leave the location, yet there's two sluglines for the same room. Man 1 is missing from the dialogue, unless Man 2 says the line "If they met my wife" and then laughs at his own joke.

If one guy is carrying a teddy bear into the room, it should be mentioned as they enter, not later.

Should "He looks different to the others" be "He loo...

1 week ago | read more...

This script is truly amazing! The storyline was built wonderfully and the information about Mat, the other bears, the factory, the hospital, etc. are dealt to the reader gradually and at the right times. The structure is pretty good as well, but the formatting rules (which are one of the most important things in screenwriting) are not always met.

To begin flashbacks, you should write a separate line saying "BEGIN FLASHBACK:" in the form of an...

2 years ago | read more...

So, I’m not entirely sure what to think of this one. It’s an intriguing premise. It would probably make a good animation and reminds me a little of the film 9.

It is formatted correctly, but is a bit of a tedious read due to the overlong sections of prose. Action text should be short and to the point whereas this reads more like a novel, which makes it hard to follow in places. Each separate action needs its own line really and you should try...

2 years ago | read more...

This script is truly interesting and engaging to the reader. It iss structure is very well done. It is exposition heavy which makes it a little tedious to read but nonetheless it is very well done. Even with the little dialouge I was able to understand what the bears were doing in the story itself. With that I think you could describe the environment more, like the factory and the hospital.

The storyline is quite intriguing and unique. I woul...

2 years ago | read more...