Pine short
#Mystery/Suspense
By
David
Martin
A teenage boy stops eating when he suspects his parents are trying to poison him.
Awards
Approved
Summary
3 Reviews |
15 pages |
6 years ago
|
Draft 1
A teenage boy confides in his female friend that he thinks his parents are trying to poison him for unknown reasons and stops eating.
Industry Reviews
No Industry Reviews
Peer Reviews
It was a cute story, but honestly didn't make too much sense with that ending.
The story hung on Carwyn not eating due to his thinking that his parents were poisoning him and 2 issues come up with that...
1. He spots out the mint that Elaine gives him (at this point it's apparent that she's his best friend/love interest, so why would he spit her mint out if he thinks his parents are the ones poisoning him)
2. It's revealed that he wasn't ea...
Top Reviewer
Concept is original. Good.
Plot is good.
The first three pages are interesting. Well done.
Protagonist is interesting but could be better.
The dialogue is good but could be better.
Scenes are written well.
The end is good.
The pacing is good.
Top Reviewer
