ScriptMother

Ulysses Macargen

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Interested in all types of stories. Started writing recently and using the website in order to receive feedback that will allow me to become a better writer. I will try my best to give good feedback and can only promise that I will give unbiased reviews but not necessarily professional level feedback.


Reviewer Rating:
Scripts: 4
Reviews: 4

Following

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Recent Activity

Ulysses Macargen just purchased a review. Claim it here
2 weeks ago
Player of the Game short
Genre: Family,Drama
Logline: A high school basketball player plays the game of his life and remembers the events that got him there.
Ulysses Macargen just purchased a review. Claim it here
2 weeks ago
Player of the Game short
Genre: Family,Drama
Logline: A high school basketball player plays the game of his life and remembers the events that got him there.
Ulysses Macargen uploaded a script.
2 weeks ago
Player of the Game short
Genre: Family,Drama
Logline: A high school basketball player plays the game of his life and remembers the events that got him there.
Ulysses Macargen completed a review for
3 weeks ago
Ulysses Macargen just purchased a review. Claim it here
3 weeks ago
McCracken feature
Genre: Crime,Drama
Logline: A gangster finds himself in a struggle for power against loyalists to his former boss.
Ulysses Macargen just claimed a review for a script.
3 weeks ago
A Cotton Moon short
Genre: Mystery/Suspense,Drama
Logline: A pastor's estranged son begins intercepting strange TV broadcasts from a mysterious deity, known only as The Shepherd, that inspire a novel and radical religious awakening of his own.
Ulysses Macargen just claimed a review for a script.
3 weeks ago
Mad Talent short
Genre: Comedy,Horror
Logline: A schizophrenic man loses his sanity after his singing audition for a talent show goes wrong.
Ulysses Macargen completed a review for
3 weeks ago
Shadow Walker feature
Genre: Action/Adventure,Crime,Thriller
Review Rating:

The characters aren't really multi-faceted. They are all pretty simple characters that don't change much as the story progresses. The background for Alexa has been done before and your approach to it isn't really unique, at all. Additionally, there are too many characters at the beginning. There is a conversation between Alexa and Bishop hinting at tensions between Alexa and the rest of the team but nothing really goes further here with what happens to the team. I would suggest either fully fleshing out one or two of the supporting characters like Rook or Bishop or Garza or just removing some of the dialogue that you use to try and develop them because the dialogue of the RT team is among the worst in the screenplay. For the purpose these characters serve, the dialogue could be easily removed. Staying on dialogue, some of the lines Alexa uses while on her mission are a little corny, for example, "I have prayed. As hard as I could.For as long as I could...(softly) It doesn't work." This kind of stuff really isn't necessary and makes the script seem worse than it actually is. As much as I've harped on the dialogue, there are some really well-written lines and a couple made me audibly laugh so if the few lines that are corny are removed or re-written it would help in a big way. In contrast to the American RT team, the Rivera Cartel characters are all very well done, especially Carcano and Eva. The part of the story with Lolo is almost irrelevant to the rest of the story as it is now and could either be cut or better incorporated into the main plot. The action scenes are all written really well and the building of tension and suspense is superb. The only main detriments are some of the dialogue and sometimes the action is a little repetitive.

Ulysses Macargen just claimed a review for a script.
3 weeks ago
Shadow Walker feature
Genre: Action/Adventure,Crime,Thriller
Logline: To stop a civil war, a stealth operative must infiltrate a cartel stronghold, posing as a surgeon, and terminate Venezuela's top crime boss, who's in need of immediate medical attention.
Ulysses Macargen just purchased a review. Claim it here
3 weeks ago
McCracken feature
Genre: Crime,Drama
Logline: A gangster finds himself in a struggle for power against loyalists to his former boss.

Scripts

McCracken
Draft #2
Genre: Crime,Drama
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A gangster finds himself in a struggle for power against loyalists to his former boss.

Player of the Game
Draft #1
Genre: Family,Drama
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A high school basketball player plays the game of his life and remembers the events that got him there.

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