Interested in all types of stories. Started writing recently and using the website in order to receive feedback that will allow me to become a better writer. I will try my best to give good feedback and can only promise that I will give unbiased reviews but not necessarily professional level feedback.
The concept is a very intriguing one about a non-religious man communicating with God through his television. It's execution is also really good as it is unclear throughout the script on who the Shepherd is and what his motives are which, in turn, causes a lot of dramatic tension. Deacon is a very intriguing character. He has a definitive personality that is fully developed and is consistent throughout the script, yet he also grows. The structure and formatting of the script was done well and made the script easy to read. The dialogue wasn't anything special but it served its purpose in the script and wasn't at all detrimental. There were some things that I was unclear on when reading, though. First, I don't necessarily get the significance of the car ride with Amanda. While his comments about television do add to Deacon's characterization, the ride and his subsequent rejection don't seem to have a real impact on the rest of the script. One more thing, at points the script seems heavily critical of religion and then at others it seems like it is in favor of religion. I think that it would help give more thematical meaning to the script by leaning more heavily to one side or the other and having a definitive point of view rather than being on the fence.
The characters aren't really multi-faceted. They are all pretty simple characters that don't change much as the story progresses. The background for Alexa has been done before and your approach to it isn't really unique, at all. Additionally, there are too many characters at the beginning. There is a conversation between Alexa and Bishop hinting at tensions between Alexa and the rest of the team but nothing really goes further here with what happens to the team. I would suggest either fully fleshing out one or two of the supporting characters like Rook or Bishop or Garza or just removing some of the dialogue that you use to try and develop them because the dialogue of the RT team is among the worst in the screenplay. For the purpose these characters serve, the dialogue could be easily removed. Staying on dialogue, some of the lines Alexa uses while on her mission are a little corny, for example, "I have prayed. As hard as I could.For as long as I could...(softly) It doesn't work." This kind of stuff really isn't necessary and makes the script seem worse than it actually is. As much as I've harped on the dialogue, there are some really well-written lines and a couple made me audibly laugh so if the few lines that are corny are removed or re-written it would help in a big way. In contrast to the American RT team, the Rivera Cartel characters are all very well done, especially Carcano and Eva. The part of the story with Lolo is almost irrelevant to the rest of the story as it is now and could either be cut or better incorporated into the main plot. The action scenes are all written really well and the building of tension and suspense is superb. The only main detriments are some of the dialogue and sometimes the action is a little repetitive.
A gangster finds himself in a struggle for power against loyalists to his former boss.