I read your scripts and I thinks it needs major improvement. Even though you completed the high concept, I felt like the idea failed to materialize.
Your biggest strength is the concept. Having the main character working for the mafia and having autism is pretty cool. I felt this is the unique concept and has the potential in future rewrites. Hollywood tends to look for something ‘fresh’, which means they want something totally unique.
I found the story of the script all over the place and chaotic. It starts well with a sole protagonist, all the way to the midpoint and it goes crazy. I don’t have an idea where the story goes from point A to B.
The structure is poor and not near enough to be sold. You use fade in and cut to constantly and I find this unnecessary because in the modern film, we are already fade in. When you introducing characters, ensure that all the characters has the age because we need to what the age. For an example if you don’t, then how do we know if the character is in their 20s, 30s, 40s, old age or kids.
The development of characters isn’t great. I felt the characters are doing something that they wouldn’t in real life. When Natalie had sex with Bentley, what’s the consequence? What’s the motive? How does this affect the story? These details matters.
Dialogue isn’t too bad. I felt this was a bit exciting and looks like I was reading a script.
So to conclude my review, your biggest strength is the high concept and the dialogue. Your high concept is unique, which is a autistic character working for the mafia, and he’s really charming. Your dialogue may need a bit change but it’s minor. Story, structure and character development needs some work.
