When I read a script straight through with ease, I know I’m reading one that has potential. I read your script straight through and I enjoyed it. The ideas you have for this type of movie are quite good. It is a great story of what power can do to a man. The main theme is similar to the theme in “Scarface”. Your movie makes “Scarface” look like a PG movie shown at the Saturday Matinee. I feel that your portrayal of the mostly hidden world of crime syndicates is more accurate. Though that world may seem unbelievable, it does exist. In my opinion, with work on some technical things, McCracken could be a very good movie. Your story structure was very good. I felt that the major plot points hit at the appropriate times and in an easy to follow order. The B story with McCracken and his wife was well done. Your characters were mostly good reliable tropes. It is apparent that you see the complete movie in your head as you’re writing the screenplay. You do well on the most important things, story, structure, theme, major plot points, and, timing. I’m assuming this is a spec script that you would like to get produced. There are technical mistakes throughout the script that will assure it ends up in the reject pile. A screenplay is more than a story, it is the blueprint for making the movie. It has its own specific language to communicate the ideas. I hope I can help you get your second draft up to industry standards because the script is worthy of an option offer.

The concept of this screenplay is creative and original. The juxtaposition of an inflatable bop clown into the role of the discovered up-and-comer makes for a nice comedy. A universe where there is nothing unusual about an inflatable toy standing in the ring with a human boxer opens up a wide array of possibilities. It was an easy read and kept me "turning the pages". The first few pages set up the situation well and were engaging. The script begins with what seems to be the inciting incident: Bruce meeting Bop. It is not clear exactly how this moment changes everything because nothing is known about the protagonist. Showing what things were like before the incident helps the reader to relate to the character. Scenes are well-written. They don't start or end too early or late. They were not too short or long. The scene descriptions were the strongest part of the script. They allow the reader to visualize the environment. The introduction to the protagonist is abrupt. Not much is given that allows the reader to empathize with the main character. A couple of pages focusing on what the "normal life" of the protagonist is like and what his goals are before meeting Bop (inciting incident) would make Bruce a more compelling character. The dialogue is done well but is in need of more conversational language: going to = gonna, want to = wanna. The concept makes it difficult to have a high level of conflict in the scenes between Bop and Bruce but you manage to show it through Bruce's words and actions. The pacing was great. No extraneous scenes. Each scene flowed in a logical order and brought a sense of expectation of what will happen next. Very good overall structure. The transitions between acts moved the story forward. The climax is not as strong as it could be which stems from the fact that the stakes were not clearly defined. If Bruce fails how bad will things get or if he succeeds what is the reward? This also affects the character arch of the protagonist. How has Bruce changed by the end of the story. There were some formatting issues. The (con'd) should not be included. It should be quite easy to get your writing program to stop adding them. Any (more)s in the dialogue should be eliminated by keeping a character's dialogue on one page.