You finished a screenplay and that in itself is a big accomplishment but a screenplay is written for the sole purpose of becoming a movie. For that to happen, it must be read and this script is almost unreadable. Unfortunately, a reader would not get past page 5 because of the mistakes in spelling, grammar and format. The story and characters may be great but if the script doesn't get read, no one will know it. On page 2: eliminate camera direction "close up". That is a decision for the director or cinematographer. Page 3: "both watches" should be both watch. Capitalization of sounds, "BOOM", and "METEORITE" unnecessary. Only a distraction. "Rani opens up tent crawling out slowly.' Should be: "Rani slowly crawls out of her tent." "SCOUTER looks into a something unusual" should be " Scouter sees the meteorite has cracked open. You already capitalized scouter. Don't need to again. "We don't what it is" should be we don't know what it is. "Rani rushes into the crate", into should be to. "Rani gets closer, she flashes the small, alive thing comes out of the shell." Not sure what that is. Do not capitalize words in dialogue. "holds it. Then", should be "holds it then. No comma between cry and then. "campers goes" should be "campers go". Page 4: eliminate unnecessary transition directions. "Late 40s/Early 50s, four-eyed" Should be set apart by commas not parenthesis. Eliminate bne. Came should be come. It should be It's. No "the" in front of SETI. "do need" needs to be "do we need" I pointed out the mistakes on the first 4 pages to illustrate the care that must be taken to correct errors like that throughout the entire screenplay before publishing. Keep writing just be more careful correcting obvious mistakes. I would like to read this again without the mistakes. I promise your ratings will improve dramatically.

Great script. Two half-sisters possessed by demons from another dimension fight each other with the world at stake is a very good concept. Setting the script during the Rodney King riots made the story original and even more interesting. The first act was thoroughly entertaining. It was paced well, set the genre perfectly and set up the story in a way that made you want to keep reading. Very easy read. The chemistry between Charlene and Raven was excellent. So was the relationship between David and Annie. The scene with David and Annie overlooking the pacific coast would make a great opening image. Consider showing David speaking with Annie at the beginning of David's speech then cut to the vineyard scenes then back to them. V.O. is always in parenthesis and is for narration not known to the characters. (O.C.) or off camera would be appropriate in this case. Having the wolf's name pronounced Volfa was a nice touch. The story got a little confusing when Elena, Jesus and Sergio entered. I believe they were involved in the Santeria religion but I did not detect any connection to what Annie and Charlene were into. Establishing some connection there could truly enrich the story. The ending was kind of abrupt. Adding a few pages with a surprising twist near the end or a stronger resolution showing how everything has changed could make the script even more impactful. Some of the speeches were long. Try adding more action or another character speaking to break them up. Get rid of the typos, there shouldn't be one, they are easy to fix, make sure that there's none. Overall, a very good screenplay. I recommend script and writer.

I enjoyed the story. It was well written. Your dialogue was excellent. Your scene and action descriptions were concise and sufficient. A boy finds a photograph and is led to his death by the girl in the picture is an excellent concept. The story lacked tension, though. Perhaps, you could have the boy immediately hear more than giggles but beckoning calls or he could even see an apparition gesturing for him to come to her. He could fight the desire to come to her until the end he finally succumbs for some reason and then gets hit by the truck. The last shot could be someone picking up the photograph. The characters were fine but the protagonist showed no growth. Maybe his friends could rib him about not being interested in girls or his mom could reinforce that he never had a girlfriend but he ends up falling in love with the girl in the picture. I think things along those lines could take your short from very good to totally awesome. Overall, I liked it and recommended both script and writer.