A boy finds a picture of a beautiful girl one day at school. The girl in the photograph is holding her hand up with two fingers extended to make a peace sign. He asks around but absolutely no one has ever seen or heard of her. One night, he hears a knock at his window followed by a girl giggling. He goes outside with the photo and follows the giggling, which seems to come from the woods across the street. When he crosses the street, he is immediately struck and killed. The driver tries to help him but it's too late. Lying on the road away from the body is the photograph, of a very beautiful girl, holding up three fingers.
You’ve done a fantastic job cleaning out the characters a bit more. I particularly enjoyed the interplay between Russel and his sister.
I think a bit more work can be done showing rather than telling however. Early on in the script you TELL the reader that the kids are bored. Think of this in terms of a movie and SHOW us how they are bored. Are they doodling? Are...
You still have some "is" and "as" that still need to be changed to present tense and I think you can condense the teachers opening line to somethin...
1) to give your characters description otherwise they're just a name.
2) rethink the dialogue and ask if people really sound like that?
3). read up on correct formatting.
4) There needs to be more to a story than I found a picture, I asked around, the picture killed me.
Here are some...
1. Concept - I liked the concept you went with. More of a mystery horror/thriller instead of a basic horror and you seemed to have fun with it.
2. Story - I feel like this is where the script falls flat for me unfortunately. It could be my fault since I binge watch horror a lot, but the ending and climax were pretty predictable. I think it could've been a more out of the box ending where he somehow gets...
There a several glaring issues with the structure of this screenplay. Starting off, your action blocks are WAY to big. You have a lot of fat that need trimmed.
Get rid of any line that directs the camera. Your job is to WRITE the story, not direct it. Let the action blocks dictate the camera.
As far as your scenes are...