This certainly has the potential to be a really interesting and intriguing script. I already really like both leads. The opening moment with the defibrillator is an excellent introduction to this world and a fun piece of foreshadowing. There isn't a whole lot to go on in terms of character development, but I definitely want to see more of these characters. I think you handle a really difficult topic well, and for the most part do a good job of showing the audience what that can feel like. especially following the first time the two leads interact. What I think holds this screenplay back is that we open on Winston, and he is doing more than just talking to himself, he is monologuing to himself. As someone who talks to myself in a lot of the same ways that Winston does, I think his conversations would be more scattered, and go through a whole range of emotions beyond his woe is me attitude. With your other character you do an excellent job of show don't tell. you show us the posters on the wall, therefore we don't need to have the fact that she is depressed beaten over our heads. I think you need to work on finding a method of doing that with Winston. It was two or three lines before I realized he was talking to God. I also think you need to find a way to showcase more of Winston's background. He seems to know a lot about religion, but not enough for me to distinguish whether he grew up around religion, or the writer did. Overall a great concept with tons of potential.
This script is very good. I will be completely honest when I saw that it was only 4 pages my expectations were extremely low, I was pleasantly surprised. In fact as someone who spends most of their time in writing shorts, this is a master class in short film writing, and I would love to make it but that's besides the point. I love how even in your synopsis you preserve the twist. As I was reading I was sure that somehow Candice would be Elise, I mean I didn't believe her story for a second, which made the twist all that much more earned to me. The dialogue is excellent, the character's feel fleshed out and real, aside from a couple of lines with a little bit too much vocabulary I thought. a couple of times it read more like poetry than dialogue, which is fine, I would trim it down just a bit. The only other criticism I could possibly have is not that it is too short, but it could be longer, you could build up to the twist even further if you wanted, but I don't think you need to by any means. All in all great script, and somebody could make I'm sure an award winning short of it.
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