This script is very good. I will be completely honest when I saw that it was only 4 pages my expectations were extremely low, I was pleasantly surprised. In fact as someone who spends most of their time in writing shorts, this is a master class in short film writing, and I would love to make it but that's besides the point. I love how even in your synopsis you preserve the twist. As I was reading I was sure that somehow Candice would be Elise, I mean I didn't believe her story for a second, which made the twist all that much more earned to me. The dialogue is excellent, the character's feel fleshed out and real, aside from a couple of lines with a little bit too much vocabulary I thought. a couple of times it read more like poetry than dialogue, which is fine, I would trim it down just a bit. The only other criticism I could possibly have is not that it is too short, but it could be longer, you could build up to the twist even further if you wanted, but I don't think you need to by any means. All in all great script, and somebody could make I'm sure an award winning short of it.
The Good The bones of this story are excellent. It is simple, concise, and too the point. The characters themselves are pretty good, once again simple, you communicate exactly who the characters are simply and easily. While the characters in this script are incredibly cliche, we've seen them a thousand times, they are the script's strong suit. Specifically Booksy and Chippy. The Mixed The biggest mixed aspect is the action lines. They convey what the character is thinkinh, and while there is nothing wrong with that necessarily, it doesn't need to be there. You should simply tell the reader how the characters thoughts appear in action. If you can't see it or hear it, don't write it. The Bad The biggest problem here is the Dialogue. It is atrocious. One of the bests things you can do, is say every line out loud before you write it, to ensure that it feels natural. If a line of dialogue is not something that you could hear in real life, then it should not be there. The other big negative here is your villain. He is creepy yes, but not in a good way. and He is written as an adult, which makes all of his actions even more odd and off putting.
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