Wanna See

The Comet

By Caleb Densman

Ben comes to the Fast Lane bowling alley everyday after school, partly because he idolizes amateur bowler, Jenny "The Comet" Cornell, and partly to escape some dark past.

Draft #1
Peer Rating: 43%
Industry Rating: N/A
Draft 2: 43%
Draft 1: 65%
2 Reviews | 9 pages | 1 year ago | Draft 2


Sean and Ben come to the same bowling alley every day, partly to bowl their problems away, and partly to spend time with their friend Beth, Who works there. But one day, Ben is late, when he finally does show up he has a black eye. His drunk deadbeat dad gave it to him. Sean thinks he should fight back, but Beth believes he should run away and call the police. Ben out of stubborn pride decides to fight back, he loses, bad. As Beth patches him up he finally agrees to go to the authorities.

Industry Reviews

Peer Reviews

The story feels a little choppy. I can’t tel if that was the intent of the screenplay but it quickly cuts from event to event which doesn’t make it a read that flows well. However, the writer does an exemplary job of developing the characters especially given that the screenplay is only nine pages. One can really see the growth of Ben in his demeanor and confidence as the story plays out. Sean is good supporting character that’s there to drive Be...

1 year ago |
Alex Kitchen Top Reviewer
the points I make later on builds on this idea). This certainly is challenging and I don't envy the task you have! So the story/structure follows a time old tradition of seeing the characters in the status quo, then a problem is introduced (act one). The character tries to solve the problem (act two). The character overcomes the problem and adjusts to the new normal (act three). In that sense, this story ticks all the boxes. It's just for me it n...

1 year ago |
The concept of this film was really great. It was simple, yet emotional and it all took place in one location, which is great for a short film. The logline is also good because it sounds interesting. When I saw bowling alley, I was like "Oh, this looks kind of cool" but the part about his home life also made me want to find out what's wrong. I think the scenes were great because everything in the script needed to be there. You showed what a kind...

1 year ago |
Hiya Caleb! I'm Emil, your friendly neighbourhood reviewer.

I want to start off by saying that I really dig your singular location approach. Not only is it a great way to keep an indie project's budget in check, it also gives your collaborators(actors, directors, cameramen)a real chance to shine, a challenge to out-perform themselves, to prove that they can carry the story onwards and beyond.

Abusive parents versus good friends is an age o...

1 year ago |
Emil Axelsson Top Reviewer
Positive Feedback -
1) The script dives right in with a unique setting for a disturbing topic, really adding a heightened feeling to the whole tone and atmosphere of the script.
2) Characters were very believable for the most part, there wasn't much exposition and the characters seemed to grow in such a short period.
3) The fact that we never left the bowling alley and the plot was still advanced was very impressive and added to the creativ...

1 year ago |
Nathanael Lirio Top Reviewer

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