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Winner Draft #1
Summary
2 Reviews |
5 pages |
6 years ago
|
Draft 1
following a school shooting in a small town, two students ponder the events that led them to the place where they are now. what they have lost, and what they have gained. This is a first draft that I am moderately sure is complete trash, I am just ready for a second opinion so I know where to focus my efforts as a I iron out the plot and dialogue, it should be a fairly simple read, especially if you've had a bad day and need something to bash on, constructively of course. Thanks and all the best.
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Peer Reviews
Concept is good. The first page of the script is not so good. It made me want to drop it.
The action lines are good but could be better.
The dialogue... Well, no one wants to read a giant wall of text. Keep it short most of the time. If it has to be long, make it 5 lines. 7 max.
The protagonist seems interesting but you didn't show how interesting he is. Think up more ways to do that.
The climax is not good.
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