Cartwheels feature
#Drama
By
CourierNew
When struggling single mother has her baby abducted, she teams up with another woman to figure out how to get their children back from an illegal adoption ring.
Awards
Approved
Nominee Draft #4
Winner Draft #3
Summary
0 Reviews |
95 pages |
3 years ago
|
Draft 5
When struggling single mother has her baby abducted, she teams up with another woman to figure out how to get their children back from an illegal adoption ring.
Industry Reviews
SWEET TOOTH is a grim and gritty story that has an interesting and contentious message. Currently, it feels slightly condemnatory and judgemental, but if we see the film more from Sylvie’s perspective and develop her internal arc, then Sylvie could be shown as more of a heroine, sacrificing her need to be a mother for what she perceives to be the best interests of her child. This would turn her more into a hero and make her less of a character to...
Top Reviewer
Peer Reviews
Here were my thoughts on your script:
1. Concept - Although the concept isn't exactly the strongest, you definitely took advantage and worked well with it and made a compelling story out of it.
2. Story - The story was very intriguing and as I said compelling. A lot of the twists that came along I didn't see coming, especially the one where we find out who exactly is running the illegal adoption center. My only concern here is how quickly t...
Top Reviewer
I don't get the title. The story is riveting, compact, having one on the edge. The characters are relevant, believable, and their situations are believable too. I strongly recommend you spend time to re-read and edit. I have recorded where I found errors that were typographical. I have some other comments.
page 6 - you are missing a word in the action line after SYLVIE.
If you are going to use a foreign language, would it be good to have subti...
Top Reviewer
the simplest change this needs is to move away from the break neck scenes and flesh out the characters more. There is too much too fast.
Short concise action lines are great but the scene is over before it starts.
It reads like a multi episode TV series crammed into an 88 page movie trailer. Condense the story into a shorter time frame. It seems like taken but with very poorly equipped people instead. That's a good concept, perhaps it'd be us...
Overall, the base concept of the missing child is really anything especially innovative, but the additions of the battle with addiction and actually seeing the daily lives of the kidnappers is what makes the concept work. But what really makes this screenplay what it is, is the execution of the story. The story flows really well and scenes are written really well. There is just enough description to get a good feel for the plot without too much t...
Top Reviewer
