Malled to Death television
#Comedy
By
Claire
B
Minimum wage employees at a failing mall try to keep up with a crazy manager, power hungry security guard, and all the strange customers in-between.
Awards
Approved
Winner Draft #5
Winner Draft #1
Summary
2 Reviews |
35 pages |
3 years ago
|
Draft 5
After Amanda is caught in a lawsuit, she secretly plans a string of pranks under the nose of newly installed security cameras.
Industry Reviews
Overall it's a very good script with a couple of plot elements that just need some fine-tuning. However, there are these two underlying questions, firstly of why Myrtle has power over Amanda and secondly, of what the script is saying and whether the audience will approve of this.
Top Reviewer
MALLED TO DEATH was a fun read with great humor and dialogue, and interesting and unique characters though some had elements that were a little derivative.
What needs thinking about is the setup and precinct. Is this primarily about The Frozen Pebble and Amanda trying to keep her shop alive or about the mall and Myrtle trying to control all the workers there? For me, using both does mean the concept feels a little confused and busy.
Furthe...
Top Reviewer
Peer Reviews
A very well done pilot with well defined characters and interesting situations/ comedic moments. The idea of a run down mall as a sitcom setting has current and timely relevance. The situations are used well for comedic effect while still tying in to an overall story arc. The inept manager and her security sidekick are a good pair. The mall characters are well thought out. Lunch bag is an interesting enigma that can be built on. Karl and Vi...
Top Reviewer
The title is very clever. So this is a half-hour sitcom along the lines of Superstore? I assume the vending machine is going to be a running gag!
You’re still a little short. For a half hour of television, you need about 23 pages minimum. Your cold open act is perfect length, though. Your third act is only six pages, so maybe longer there.
It would help to utilize other types of sluglines to indicate visual elements: ESTABLISHING to show wh...
Top Reviewer
Here were my thoughts on your script:
1. Concept - I absolutely love that you went with this concept of a struggling manager trying to get through a crazy day and then getting called in to deal with more craziness. It's definitely realistic.
2. Story - Just like the concept, it's very relatable and realistically played out, all while also being over the top and hitting the comedy right on the spot. The story was very funny and enjoyable and...
Top Reviewer
