A very strong screenplay with excellent character development and a well structured story. The last 20 pages introduce a twist that this reader questions as necessary, as it drastically changes the tone of the preceding film. That being said, the twist was still well structured, if a bit of a stretch. The story has excellent pacing and flows well. The overall concept, while not entirely original, shows a good working of a family drama and murder mystery with pseudo-supernatural elements throughout. The close relationship between mother and daughter is on full display. However, the relationship may be a bit too close as the daughter seems to idolize her mother to an almost unhealthy point of infatuation, especially for a teenage girl. The relationship with the father and daughter is well displayed with signs of alienation and strain throughout. Overall, an excellent story that this reader can see being a semi-finalist or finalist in strong competitions, and can see as an indie production. Excellent job, the hard work shows through.
Areas of recommendation largely revolve around formatting, and are more to align for contest submissions or pitches. If the author intends to make this film themselves, this can be disregarded. Many of the slug lines are abbreviated (e.g. just saying BASEMENT). Reader encourages use of standard formatted slug lines throughout. While tight action lines are greatly appreciated and on good display here, there is an opportunity for a few of the action lines and scenes descriptions to be expanded upon to give greater detail. At a few points where sentences are interrupted and quick changes to scenes occur, this reader needed to go back and sort out what was occurring.
