The concept of this tv show is funny and brilliant. In a way, it reminds me of the tv show "The Office". Not bad for a comedy tv pilot script. It's concise and straight to the point. Nowadays comedies on television usually don't even last more than one season depending on popularity. The characters of this television pilot are remarkable and can become instant fan-favorite characters. The structure of this script is very well done. The dialogue was brilliant and to the point. However, I would not traditionally use Microsoft Word for typing any type of script. I would recommend any professional screenwriting software within reason. Most industry professionals prefer screenwriters to use Final Draft which is a very expensive screenwriting software. Even celebrities who have written screenplays such as Tom Hanks, Ben Stiller, Edward Norton, and Jon Favreau use the screenwriting software Final Draft. Aaron Sorkin, James Mangold, Sofia Coppola, Guillermo Del Toro, JJ Abrams, and Robert Zemeckis also use Final Draft as well. If you are going to use Final Draft, I recommend using the Final Draft app that you would use on an Ipad instead of buying the software because the app is cheaper than the actual software itself. But rewrites are crucial in any screenplay or stageplay. But that's a whole different thing. One of the hardest things to write is comedy and in this script, the timing of comedy was terrific and witty. We need more comedies like this because the comedy on tv nowadays is not even funny. Overall, I am very impressed with your work.
The script was terrible, it was just meh. The writer had wonderful intentions, no doubt. However, the script could use a little work. I know that its listed as a short screenplay. There is nothing wrong with that at all. However, I think could potentially become a feature film. Sometimes shorts end up becoming feature films. The very first "SAW" is a prime example of a short film ending up becoming a huge franchise. The structure of the script was fair. The dialogue was fair. Yes, I had a few laughs. But still, I don't think the script is long enough. Maybe there is something that I'm missing here. If so, I would like to know. The writer of this script indeed worked very hard, and I give the writer credit for making an effort to impress me. Would I like to see more from this writer? The answer......... IS YES!
Meet Bentley Enzo Maguire a mobster that has Autism. He is going to help the FBI take the only family he ever knows The Donato Crime Family
Charlie Salotto is returning from his 4th and final tour of duty over in Afghanistan. He's about to face the battle of his personal life, PTSD.