The first thing I will say is that this is episode three, I have not read the other two. I was assigned it so as a result I had little context of the characters and the plot etc. It took a little while to get into the story, I also struggled to find a main character, is it Ella Divine or Ghost Writer or Dr Gabe. These issues again I think are a result from only reading the third chapter, but something to consider. However, after reading this chapter I would really need to read the first two. However that being said after reading this, I want to read the first two. It is very fast paced and constantly moving. What i like most is the religious aspect and the different characters fighting on different fronts. I also think it is very interesting using the pandemic as a back drop to hold religion up for closer inspection. It is a very clever concept. The tension and mystery of the broken circles and the emissary really pull me into the story and make me want to read more. It is well structured and the character descriptions are all clear. Because there are so many characters I think the dialogue can be very similar and its hard to distinguish individual voices. Especially in the scene with Rebecca and Karla or the CEO and the Emissary. I do love how Maria and Congressman Garcia use Spanish, I feel it provides an authentic touch. I think this is a good screenplay and would happily read more as I am interested in where it is going.
The script is well structured and has a nice flow to it, you can follow very easily. I like the idea of the flashbacks as they sit on the bench and eat it is a nice touch. However I feel the story itself isn't that strong, its very bland and just goes along. Its also very short. The thing I want to hear about is this incident, why Rosh cant go to homecoming, but i don't get to hear about it. I get a little build up, but i don't get a pay off. If this is the pilot for a series, then the main overarching narrative of the series isn't clear. Is the series about this one incident? is the incident that bad or embarrassing? It appears that Rosh and Tracy had some issues in the past four months, but it doesn't really give us much Rosh and Tracy. This could be due to the fact its the pilot but again it doesn't set up what the series is about. Thsi isnt help by how short the script is. The two main leads are not the most distinctive, they seem very similar, you could swap their names and you wouldn't really know. The interchange between the characters is good and I think the dialogue has some good moments, I especially like the stuff about marvel I think it works for the two leads. In my opinion the best thing would be to try and bring Tracy and the date/movie night in earlier and/or at least try to establish what the goals of this series and these characters are.
A very strong concept and a clever idea, one that works very well. The ideas and proverbs about the price of fame and what fame costs are constantly thrown about. As well as the difficulty and dangers associated with the entertainment business. These provide the perfect setting for the supernatural/thriller elements of the genre. The scenes are well written and they flow nicely. it is a brisk pace which works very well for the genre. The dialogue is also sharp. In particular introductions between characters are presented in refreshing way through dialogue not just the usual chit chat back and forth The best example being the first time Hailey and Eric meet. The stakes are very much life and death. The opening scene with Carnelia and then the warnings from Hailey, sets up nicely the information we need to make us fear for what is about to happen to Casey. The Characters are good, but since this is only the first chapter/pilot episode their is lots more that is to be revealed. The characters of Eric, Hailey and Xander are very strong and I am intrigued to see what happens to each. In particular Hailey. Heather and Casey seem a little bit similar when I read it. However this is only the first chapter and I imagine they will get more development. The only thing I do not understand and need clarity on is the title. I am not sure how Bread and Circuses apply. I feel i may have missed something. This is a very enjoyable and interesting script. I would happily continue following the story as I am genuinely intrigued. .