I ran out of time to do a full read of the script. Try adding more time for reviews.
1) You dialog is unrealistic. I do not read scripts, I put them in a text to speech program and listen to the script. You need to do the same. Close you eyes and hear the voices. Do they sound different? Is everyone using the same words? Are you putting in exposition instead of dialog?
2) You have people going into someone back yard and trying to start a r...
A Vietnam veteran, frustrated and depressed over a broken marriage and dead-end life, opens an after hours club, only to discover greed, jealousy, and ultimately betrayal threaten to destroy it when he crosses paths with a notorious strip club impresario determined to cash in on his success.
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