Awards
Approved
Nominee Draft #1
Summary
1 Reviews |
2 pages |
4 years ago
|
Draft 2
She gets ready to entertain Him for their first D/s session.
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Peer Reviews
The story itself, as short as it is, is good. It is the typical "woman getting romantically ready for her date" scene. However, the character wasn't fully (or partially) developed. I would really love to know more about this woman, and even how she met this guy in the first place.
The structure of the script is good enough for what it is, but since most of it is like a list of what the woman is doing to prepare for her date, I recommend you sh...
There's not much material here to give a review, considering the script is only 2 pages. Im not sure if you were aware, but every one page in a screenplay is estimated to be no more than one minute. Two pages doesn't really give time to tell a story, much less provide enough build up for yhe plot twist at the end. Most short films usually have some type of unexpected twist at the end so I see what you were aiming for. Obviously there was some typ...
Top Reviewer
I gave you a poor on concept because honestly, I didn't get it. What is the concept? Please enlighten me.
The pacing is good. Creates urgency. Protagonist is good. All scenes are well written as it can be. Can't say much about dialogue but the three lines there were good. If there was conflict, I didn't see it. The climax just kept me wanting more.
Top Reviewer
This was a short sweet scene of a dominatrix getting ready for a visited from one of her clients. I think it read well and got to the point. The only reason I said fair on the dialogue because it wasn't very much dialogue.
You have your way with words to make solid descriptions and you seem to be skillful in the art of the writing itself. I fear I can't say the same about the concept. This is one of those situations where execution is slightly above concept and in the end, we know there is nothing much going on.
No story.
No stakes.
Characters are generic.
Poor concept.
Or this is just an excerpt of a feature length script. That doesn't make it a sho...
Top Reviewer
Consider this...
This script is really good for the advert. Maybe for a lotion company or a body spray company or something.
In the foyer scene, you said she took off her clothes. Then in the bathroom scene, you said she strips. Is she getting naked twice? How?
I think you should drop a hint of what those two are about to do. Maybe his hand goes up to her dress just before the door closes.
In general, the script needs some more elaborating....
The way the scenes are written shows your high potency as a writer. The scenes are very well written. I can easily imagine every part of it.
Honestly i didnot understand what the story /concept is about.
The story is not enough compelling to engage its readers. What is the climax?
First of all, this is my first review and the first screenplay I read here. I think "Mister" is a quite enjoyable little flick. Although it starts in an ordinary or average way, it ends in an extraordinary way. Dialogues or in this case monologues are strong and they are the key elements to the climax. All in all this is a well written supershort-story.
At first, I was unsure of what the point of this was, yet I was strangely dragged into it. By the end, I found out that it did have a point to it, and I liked it. Their positions in their relationship were the opposite to what I expected, which changed the story but managed not to contradict anything.
The story left me extremely confused. It began on a high-note; fast-paced actions as we watch the woman clean her room. This got me intrigued to find out the reason for her apartment clean up. Keeping information from the audience was a good tool in order to built suspense. However, the cleaning dragged for much too long and more content alluding to the story's climax should have been added in between the cleaning. The woman smiling at her phone...
Top Reviewer
