Awards
Approved
Winner Draft #2
Industry Reviews
The concept is definitely the strongest element. I feel like the lesson and commentary about human nature is clear, but the spontaneity and meandering dialogue that led up to the climax was a bit difficult to get through. I would suggest removing any and all unnecessary dialogue and provide clearer action descriptions within your action scenes. Hope this helps!
Top Reviewer
Peer Reviews
The concept of the protagonists having adventures, misadventures, or what have you based on a coin toss is an amazing concept that to my knowledge I do not think has been done and has a lot of potential if pursued further into a future length script.
That however, is where is starts to fall apart. The flow is somewhat erratic and there are a lot of things going on that jump from one thing to another. Some of the scenes could be elaborated on whi...
Top Reviewer
A fun story, reminiscent of an 80’s romp mixed in with some mystical elements and a self-referential outlook.
I would consider finding a way to flesh out some of the transitions, as when reading it can be hard to keep track of the narrative without re-reading scenes to grasp the flow. I would consider re-evaluating the tinder scene, personal opinion is the scene isn’t particularly necessary and using the gained time to flesh stronger elements...
Top Reviewer
This is a fun story that could be played out further, possibly into a feature. Watching the boys go about their day letting a coin decide their fate has much comedic ability and allows for more stories to take place. Wasn't able to catch all the references but its always fun to know they are there as it allows the reader/viewer to look further into the writers mind. As a short story it works overall.
Top Reviewer
