ESTÉPHAN KHATTAR is a Lebanese director and writer. He holds a master’s degree in Film Directing from the Lebanese University - Beirut. He wrote and directed his short films "Feno" in 2016 and “A Photo a hotel and her” in 2019 which received several awards. Currently co-writing his first Lebanese TV series.
First let me say that this is technically a really well written screenplay. The main character SVP seems a really interesting and complex character. Not your typical superhero. Although the script I read seems taken out of a feature film, since it is cut at the end. I would really hope to see it some day on the screen. Some things I noticed along the way: 1-The dialogue in general is a bit off. Especially on the first two pages, it is a on the nose. Example this line of dialogue on page 2 "Fucking serves you right! You slaughtered dozens of civilians because you were working up a fucking appetite!" Already LYCAN CERBERUS knows this and doesn't need SVP to tell him this. They both know it. What I suggest is to find an alternative line that has some subtext. Think of some action verbs like: to punish, to threaten... 2- Some action lines could be written shorter and packed so it can grab the reader's attention and convey the rhythm of the scene. 3- Some scenes can be easily cut off the screenplay without changing anything. Example the scene with VICTOR yet again I can't really say anything since it seems that the story is not finished and maybe this scene will pay off later. If not, then I suggest to remove it. Always think that the each scene should move the plot. At the end, it is a nice teen thriller story. Good luck with it!
First of all, it is clear that this is a very personal story. The way the writer chose to tell his story is beautiful and nostalgic. It reminded me of the TV series "This is Us" If the writer didn't watch it, I recommend to take a look because it follows the same structure as this story (present/past). Second of all, the flashbacks are too much. There is some flashback that doesn't move the story forward and can easily be removed without affecting the overall structure. Example the restaurant scene page 18 and the dream hospital scene, where frank sees Ruth a ghost, doesn't move the story forward too. The dialogue is a bit long and on the nose especially on page 25 (the fight between Ruth and Frank) I suggest to take a closer examination to the subtext and work around it in a very subtle way. And WHAT IF you don't reveal that Ruth doesn't want kids at the beginning and you reveal it in the accident flashback page 38? This will come as a surprise to the reader as well as Frank. Finally, the ending scene is poorly written. Each location Frank visits should be an independent scene and not part of a big scene because technically change in scenes occurs when the place or time changes. Sometimes both.
In a revolutionary time, a hard working young nurse, finds herself face to face with the old dictator, the leader of the country, after he fell ill and stepped into her emergency room, and must choose between saving him or killing him to save her country.