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short

In a revolutionary time, a hard working young nurse, finds herself face to face with the old dictator, the leader of the country, after he fell ill and stepped into her emergency room, and must choose between saving him or killing him to save her country.

Approved

Peer Rating: 64%

Industry Rating: N/A

Draft 2: 64%

Draft 1: 37%

2 Reviews | 19 pages | 1 year ago | Draft 2

#drama #thriller #politics #middle east #medical

Sahar is in her mid

twenties; she is a hard working

nurse in a private hospital. A revolution in the

country just kicked in trying to overcome a

corrupted regime led by an 86 year old ill president.

One rainy night, dozens of injured protesters come

rushing to the Emergency Room, after they were

brutally attacked by the regime. An attending doctor

takes Sahar to a well secured room guarded by army

forces and assigns her to be the official nurse for the

PRESIDENT who just came rushing to the hospital

after having a heart failure. Surprised by the

situation, Sahar is torn between accepting her

medical duties or killing him to save the country.

His life is in your hands.

Verify all your format spacing and tab spacing. Scene heading #1 was indented. Also, when doing a heading (also known as slugline), keep it as generalized as possible. No need say which room in the slugline. That tidbit of information goes into the action/description bloc. Furthermore, NEVER repeat what is in your scene heading in the action block; the exception is to have the reader focus on something critical for the plot/story.

I recall re...

1 year ago | read more...

mike harper

Engaging story that highlights the moral ambiguity of war and conflict.

I'll start off by saying that I really enjoyed your story.

Fiction is my genre of choice, so it was cool getting to experience something new and semi-realistic.

Following a revolution through the eyes of a nurse was incredibly interesting. I'm sure it must be harrowing, knowing that the longer you fight, the more injuries there will be, and more and more of your supplies will be spent and diminished.

I really enjoyed the twist where t...

1 year ago | read more...

Jonathan Barbour Top Reviewer

A revolution is underfoot and a nurse finds herself face to face with its possible ending.

I liked the premise of the story but had some difficulty in the medical scenarios as being unrealistic to a nurse's authority in that setting. She seems to be running around on her own rather than directed by a doctor. I also liked the visualization of the rioting outside through the news in the beginning and the ending scene description.
Otherwise I think the script should go deeper on the nurse's own feelings towards the president rather than...

1 year ago | read more...

WL Wright Top Reviewer

Sahar must decide to kill or to save the man who is responsible for angry citizens rioting in the streets.

There is an American movie called - Hotel Artemis. It stars Jodie Foster, Jeff Goldblum, and Dave Bautista. The genre is a crime thriller with the premise set in downtown Los Angeles where a hospital for high-level criminals masquerades as an old hotel. The script was written by Drew Pearce. It held a multi-thread storyline but had flat emotional stakes.

"The hotel of the title is a run-down establishment in a grim near-future Los Angeles, a...

1 year ago | read more...

mike harper

The president shows up one night in the hospital while fights are happening out on the streets

I can see you were trying to do a medical drama short here. You had a decent concept but I think it would use some tweaking. But first, I'd like to say that your structure was overall pretty good. I'm not a doctor so I wouldn't know how a lot of the hospital stuff is working but you seem to know very well. I think the dialogue could use some work though. Shorten up the sentences and maybe look into implying subtext in it. There's several YouTube...

1 year ago | read more...

Hunter P. Thompson Top Reviewer

A young nurse is put in a difficult position when the country's dictator is sent to the hospital in a critical state; she must keep this secret and he is the hospital's priority.

First of all, I would like to remind the writer that I am no expert in either writing screenplays or reviewing them. This is simply my opinion and suggestions, therefore no professional observation on your work.

With that said, I have to compliment the writer on such an amazing story. I love how suspense and mystery were built up throughout the script which engages the reader in the story. It makes you want to read on, which is why I was sligh...

1 year ago | read more...

Rodrigo Cosme