Postman's Etiquette short
#Mystery/Suspense
A postman gets requited as a state agent because he has a time travel ability
Awards
Approved
Summary
3 Reviews |
36 pages |
6 years ago
|
Draft 1
It is what it is. There is some fairly complicated time travel here that is mixed in with a simple story.
I wrote this script as a challenge where the lead had to be a postman and the topic was etiquette. So this is what I came up with. I feel like my new draft is much better than my last draft and that I'm improving it a lot with each draft. But I want to how much potential this script has. There are cool scenes here so don't worry about it being all boring.
Message:
I can see that this site has just given me a ton of reviews on the screenplay because I clicked the "Make available for review" option which then drained my account for points. That's fine but I just meant to test the site with the screenplay not get a ton of reviews on it. I usually just throw away a screenplay or do a full rewrite if the first 2 reviews are not at least a bit positive. But I hope to learn a lot from all these reviews! It's very fascinating to see how one reader loves a part and thinks it's great while another reader says that this very part is what ruins the screenplay for him. 2 completely opposite opinions which is fun and scary at the same time. I obviously cannot implement all the suggested changes unless I make several versions of the screenplay. But all of this also shows that the site can be very much active if I just use it. So I will try to see what else I have. 99% of my stuff is just very short screenplays.
I wrote this script as a challenge where the lead had to be a postman and the topic was etiquette. So this is what I came up with. I feel like my new draft is much better than my last draft and that I'm improving it a lot with each draft. But I want to how much potential this script has. There are cool scenes here so don't worry about it being all boring.
Message:
I can see that this site has just given me a ton of reviews on the screenplay because I clicked the "Make available for review" option which then drained my account for points. That's fine but I just meant to test the site with the screenplay not get a ton of reviews on it. I usually just throw away a screenplay or do a full rewrite if the first 2 reviews are not at least a bit positive. But I hope to learn a lot from all these reviews! It's very fascinating to see how one reader loves a part and thinks it's great while another reader says that this very part is what ruins the screenplay for him. 2 completely opposite opinions which is fun and scary at the same time. I obviously cannot implement all the suggested changes unless I make several versions of the screenplay. But all of this also shows that the site can be very much active if I just use it. So I will try to see what else I have. 99% of my stuff is just very short screenplays.
Industry Reviews
No Industry Reviews
Peer Reviews
Concept is great. I love time travel stuff.
However, plot is not what I expected. For me, it was a bit disappointing.
The first ten pages was good but as the story progresses, it got lost.
Dialogue is good but could be better.
Protagonist is compelling enough but he has to do more. He has to take more risks.
The scenes are written well but they could be better.
Pacing is a bit slow.
The conflict especially the fighting are not very real.
Top Reviewer
The concept is differently original. Although I would categorize it under Sci-Fi and a Rom Com, not Suspense and Mystery. The log line stays true for the overall concept of the piece. The pacing of some scenes were really fast it's like they're driving romantically all the sudden her head's in his crotch or they're staring out the window now they're in bed. I really disliked the whole concept of Aksel, he had this amazing ability and I was all fo...
Top Reviewer
