Wanna See

If I Had Possession

By Michael Kibler

A deal made by a struggling musician for fame and prowess comes to a halt when it's time for him to pay up.

Draft #2
Draft #1
Peer Rating: 44%
Industry Rating: N/A
Draft 2: 44%
Draft 1: 33%
2 Reviews | 12 pages | 2 months ago | Draft 2


Delta blues musician, Robert Johnson is poisoned by the jealous husband of a wife he is seeing.

As the poison takes hold, Robert is confronted by a Hellhound. Robert is then confronted by Satan, where we learn of the deal that he made at the crossroads for fame and musical prowess. Robert dies and his soul is taken unwillingly.

Robert's fame is shown through a concert by Cream playing "Crossroads" as Robert watches from the crowd.

Industry Reviews

Peer Reviews

Again, I think this was awesome.

One thing I did note was that the scene where we go back to Martha and Dave's house might have been too much of a removal from the main story. Since it's a short that takes place over the course of a few hours one night, I don't think we need to travel too far away from the Dance Hall (besides the flashback, of course). Maybe if there was a way for Martha and Dave to have that exchange leaving the Dance Hall,...

1 month ago |
M McCarty Top Reviewer
This had one very nice piece, which you should utilize to rewrite this properly. That's Robert asking "What about my fame?" to which the devil should just smile, and then there can be clips of every blues player who ripped him off, including Clapton and Page.

You concentrate on the dialogue to tell your story. If you centered the story around Robert, you could have things like Robert and Martha being too friendly and Dave's jealous looks. Thi...

1 month ago |
Karen Acklee Top Reviewer
Overall, this is a step down from your other scripts I’ve read. Not sure what the goal of this one was. The character didn’t really have any development. The plot was stagnant and a bit all over. The devil didn’t really give me devil vibes. Just seemed like a character you labeled “the devil” and just made him a soul stealing deal maker. I do think that you had a vision for maybe a horror movie but this one didn’t hit the mark for me. I think goi...

3 months ago |
There's an interesting story here, but the execution feels formulaic and underdeveloped. Definitely explore more of the character relationships and add some new details to Satan and Robert's deal so as to not make it so rushed. If anything, just make it longer than 11 pages. There's certainly plenty of ideas here that can be fleshed out even more.

3 months ago |
Tyler Robertson Top Reviewer

Recommended for You

A plucky reporter pursues a wanted hitman for the reward but accidentally traps them both in a mansion when she unleashes otherworldly horrors.
Hope you liked the first act, because now it's time for the grand finale!
Having a night we've all had, Anthony strugglings to get his thoughts onto the page but as the night progresses he realizes that the story isn't the only thing inside him that needs to get out.