Again, I think this was awesome.

One thing I did note was that the scene where we go back to Martha and Dave's house might have been too much of a removal from the main story. Since it's a short that takes place over the course of a few hours one night, I don't think we need to travel too far away from the Dance Hall (besides the flashback, of course). Maybe if there was a way for Martha and Dave to have that exchange leaving the Dance Hall,...

1 month ago | read more...

This had one very nice piece, which you should utilize to rewrite this properly. That's Robert asking "What about my fame?" to which the devil should just smile, and then there can be clips of every blues player who ripped him off, including Clapton and Page.

You concentrate on the dialogue to tell your story. If you centered the story around Robert, you could have things like Robert and Martha being too friendly and Dave's jealous looks. Thi...

1 month ago | read more...

Overall, this is a step down from your other scripts I’ve read. Not sure what the goal of this one was. The character didn’t really have any development. The plot was stagnant and a bit all over. The devil didn’t really give me devil vibes. Just seemed like a character you labeled “the devil” and just made him a soul stealing deal maker. I do think that you had a vision for maybe a horror movie but this one didn’t hit the mark for me. I think goi...

3 months ago | read more...

There's an interesting story here, but the execution feels formulaic and underdeveloped. Definitely explore more of the character relationships and add some new details to Satan and Robert's deal so as to not make it so rushed. If anything, just make it longer than 11 pages. There's certainly plenty of ideas here that can be fleshed out even more.

3 months ago | read more...