Awards
Approved
Nominee Draft #1
Summary
0 Reviews |
119 pages |
4 years ago
|
Draft 2
William Shears is a motivational speaker who puts himself before everyone else. His life takes a turn when his pregnant wife must go on bedrest and he is forced to take on her daily responsibilities, including performing with his estranged daughter in the town musical. This experience kicks off a series of events that finds him fighting for his daughter’s affection while unlocking the memories of his blurred past.
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The concept of this film was great. It drew me in and interested me. While the idea wouldn't seem original at first, once you read it you realize how different it is and how great it is. The first 10 pages really draw me in because it shows me what normal life is like for the characters while still introducing some of the major problems in the story. I think the scenes were written well. They were a good length and didn't seem to drag on. The cha...
The concept is excellent, but is plagued with long-winded and repetitive dialogue throughout. This tends to stifle character development and take up a ton of time in the script. For instance, you tend to use filler phrases/words such as "You know", "okay, so", and "well". This should either be taken out or replaced by more compelling lines. Your action descriptions also have a tendency to provide us with context and explanations of the character'...
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