Amari Russell

Amari R.

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Scripts
2
Reviews
5
Scripts
Reviews
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AmariRussell
Amari Russell 2 years ago

uploaded a script.

The Patient short
Genre: Drama
A distressed therapist comes home only to be captured by one of his former patients.
AmariRussell
Amari Russell 3 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Wonderfully Made short
Genre: Romance,Family
A girl nervously gets ready for a date and has to remember that it's what on the inside that counts.
AmariRussell
Amari Russell 3 years ago

completed a review for

The Importance of Being Perfect short
Genre: Drama
Rating: 47%
I think this is a good story and it really touches on how OCD affects the people you're close with which is family in this case. It shows how in the end they will always be there for each other even through tough times. I would recommend creating a bit more conflict. You could probably try Abed stopping Ali from fixing the forks and Ali just gets enraged and goes on a rant saying harsh things to Abed. Try to add more tension when Ali and Abed when Ali goes into his OCD. As I was reading it, I was getting the sense that Abed doesn't know about his OCD. Maybe you can reveal that Ali has OCD in the end which will make Abed more understanding of why Ali does the things that he does. A couple of things formatting-wise, first, you have too much description and they're in big chunks. They have to be shortened and separated into smaller paragraphs. Try not to be so specific. We as the audience will see everything. The script is a blueprint for how you guide our vision. What do you want us to see and how do you want us to see it? Try not to write in present progressive unless you have to. "He is getting ready" can be changed to "He gets ready". You also have the voiceover ends on the first page. You can omit that. The reader can tell it's over, you don't have to write it. There are some pieces of dialogue that can be cut too. I use to love just letting my characters loose and talking about whatever for however but we can't do that. Dialogue has to either make the character feel uncomfortable or reveal something. If it doesn't one of those two, it probably needs to be cut.
AmariRussell
Amari Russell 3 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

The Importance of Being Perfect short
Genre: Drama
A man who tries to be as perfect as possible in his life has trouble keeping his relationship with his younger brother.
AmariRussell
Amari Russell 3 years ago

completed a review for

Anima short
Genre: Drama
Rating: 67%
I like where this story is going so far. The character really takes a look inward and makes decisions for himself accordingly. The first thing I wanna bring up is in the beginning he talks about life and death and in the end, he talks about no longer doing a short film. I think with that you can make it something more dramatic that adds tension to the plot because it sounds like he's simply struggling with writing a script. When you get to the montage maybe you can have the last part of his monologue spread out within that. By that I mean have a voiceover of him saying nature, people, architecture and we as the audience see that. It looks a bit off just having him say Screw the red herring and just back to the random clips. A few things in the montage can also get taken like Dubai, Moscow, and Tokyo. I don't think it adds to the story. One small detail in terms of writing, when it comes to spec scripts you shouldn't write out things like the camera pans or a character walking out of frame until the script it's done with revisions. From that point, it becomes a shooting script where camera directions are allowed. Try to also not use words with -ing. You have Tyler is heading up the stairs. You can put Tyler heads up the stairs instead. There are a few scenarios where it is fine like "typing at a keyboard". Other than that, it's a good story that I think will resonate with the reader and hopefully the audience when it's fully developed.
AmariRussell
Amari Russell 3 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Anima short
Genre: Drama
A struggling young man comes to a realization about life.
AmariRussell
Amari Russell 3 years ago

just purchased a review. Claim it here

Pianola feature
Genre: Drama
A young pianist at a prestigious university struggles with traumatic events on his path to becoming the greatest musician of all time.
AmariRussell
Amari Russell 3 years ago

completed a review for

Quit short
Genre: Drama,Family
Rating: 67%
Well, to start off you did a good job considering the limitations of only being able to use three pages. A couple of things formatting-wise, when you're introducing a character their names have to be in all caps. The way you used parentheticals is okay but it's not really necessary. It can be used as an action line if you really need to have that in the story. For the most part, parentheticals are only needed when there's a group of people and the reader can know who's talking to who. On page one, where you have Finn speaks faintly. You can leave that out. You had a nice touch with Finn's dialogue when he says' Everyone else wa-' and Cillian interrupts him. That really makes the dialogue natural. When Finn says "Everyone else was going for it", I think doing it sounds better. When Cillian says " after what you've seen it do", I think a better way to word it would be after you've seen what it can do or after what you've seen. You also have him say 'fuckin' before Ethan. Maybe you can replace it with something else or take it out. On the second page where you have Cillian appears understanding, I think another way you word it is Cillian appears to understand but it doesn't last long when his worried state comes back into fluorescence. A good way to challenge yourself as a writer is to avoid words ending with -ing. You'll give better descriptions. I think you have a grammar mistake when Finn says' Dad was fine with me", I think that's supposed to be Dad was fine to me. Story-wise, it was well executed and had good dialogue.
AmariRussell
Amari Russell 3 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Quit short
Genre: Drama,Family
A student picks up his younger brother from school and discovers his dark secret.
AmariRussell
Amari Russell 3 years ago

completed a review for

Family First short
Genre: Horror
Rating: 67%
I like where you went with this script. It was so dark and psychological. I could see it happening, so props for that. A couple of things I wanted to run by you. I don't think beats are necessary for this script in particular only because of the duration and it looks like you're only doing a one location type of film. On page one, instead of having Mom and Dad are sitting across from Brother and Sister, you could probably put Mom and Dad sit across from Brother and sister. When you go into the second action line you could probably put something like their lifeless bodies have their heads on the table with blood spewing from their slit throats. Really show what's going on. When you the Brother says the torment was too much, maybe you can make his monologue longer. This is just an idea, you don't have to use it, but what if you have the Brother stand up and walk around the table and as he stops by a family member he talks about the ways in which he was tormented by them. After he's done, he can stand behind his chair which can lead to him saying Family First. One small thing I wanna add, you have some grammar mistakes like," In front of his sets a little note". Make sure to do one or two read-throughs of the draft before submitting it. I wouldn't stress too much about grammar mistakes, but try to keep them to a minimum. Nice job so far.