ScriptMother

Lorilea Johnson

Stock Character
Favorite Genres:
medical
history
fiction
non-fiction
psychological thrillers

I am a practicing nurse practitioner clinician. My goal is to write scripts for the purpose of medical education - to train doctors and nurses.


Reviewer Rating:
Scripts: 0
Reviews: 5

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Lorilea Johnson completed a review for
1 week ago
Shadow Walker feature
Genre: Action/Adventure,Crime,Thriller
Review Rating:

This story has a strong opening that introduces us to the tortured mind of our protagonist, Alexa Walker, AKA: Shadow Walker. The introduction of Eva Rivera follows. I commend the character development of both of these characters. Alexa Walker is a highly skilled Navy SEAL, the first frogwoman, who was the sole survivor of her special ops team. Her comrades tortured bodies haunt her. Perhaps there is a fine line between bravery and suicidal in the characters actions. Eva Rivera, the daughter of a conscienceless drug warlord, wants to succeed her fathers position with less brutality. She is a hard core player, but is destined to fail in a world where the men will not accept a woman as their leader. These are strong characters and great adversaries. I liked the plot development. I was amused by Alexa's skills of hiding while in enemy territory. I also liked the author's knowledge of elements of the story: the use of Spanish, the knowledge of hand to hand combat moves. Personally, I don't love violence and spilled blood, but it was appropriate and well done in the story line. Very espionage quality. I appreciate the cleverness of the code names associated with chess pieces. The story reflects a high stakes chess game. Alexa is "queen" but really is a pawn. In the end, the 'queen' saves the 'knight'. Check mate. I had trouble keeping track of the DEA 'knight's' role, but that may have been a personal shortcoming on my part as the reader. Overall, I really enjoyed this script. Best of luck!

Lorilea Johnson just claimed a review for a script.
1 week ago
Shadow Walker feature
Genre: Action/Adventure,Crime,Thriller
Logline: Chronicles the DEA's expulsion from Venezuela in 2005, when the first female SEAL posed as a surgeon and infiltrated a wounded crime boss' HQ to terminate him.
Lorilea Johnson completed a review for
2 weeks ago
SVF: Reborn (First Draft) feature
Genre: Action/Adventure,Horror,Thriller
Review Rating:

These are just my opinions. Take what you find helpful and leave the rest. I am not sure, but I wonder if there was a prequel to this story. I had a hard time orienting myself to the beginning scenes in the script. I didn't understand who he was, who he was fighting, why he was connected to the Mayor, or the significance of Veronica who turns out to be the Mayor's niece. It was revealed later that SVC stood for Shadow Vile Creature and he was a creation made by Satan. If I understand correctly, Veronica's parents were killed in a car accident, though she is unsure of details. SVC was saved from death in a car accident by Satan who created him into a supernatural being. Does this mean that SVC was Veronica's father? If so, it is just creepy that they become lovers. I did not buy into the characterization of Satan in this story. Satan is a powerful supernatural being. I don't believe he is someone who could be bested by a half-made creation of his own (SVC). I don't believe that Satan would get his arm cut off and it would leave a bloody stump. He is supernatural. He is not that easily destroyed. He is evil, but not stupid. He would not create a being that is better or smarter than himself. There is no mention of God in this story, except maybe in reference to the holy water. If SVC were getting supernatural power from another deity such as God, that might be believable. That would add a better dimension to the story. I also cannot visualize Satan needing to use a cell phone. I suppose he could, but why would he chose to? He has an omnipotence to him. My two main objections to this story are: 1) there was just too much grotesque bloody fighting, and 2) way, way, way too much use of the word "fuck". A good story does not need the use of explicatives. I found it more distracting than helpful. These are my thoughts. I hope you can use them to make some positive changes. Best of luck!

Cyle
I'm gonna put this comment here for whoever reads it:
reply
Cyle
Please do not read my scripts if 1) you're not an action/horror fan or 2), if you're offended by violence and language. Please be aware of giving more professional reviews and try to avoid basing them off of personal bias, please and thank you.
reply
Cyle
Please do not read my scripts if 1) you're not an action/horror fan or 2), if you're offended by violence and language. Please be aware of giving more professional reviews and try to avoid basing them off of personal bias, please and thank you.
reply
Cyle
Please do not read my scripts if 1) you're not an action/horror fan or 2), if you're offended by violence and language. Please be aware of giving more professional reviews and try to avoid basing them off of personal bias, please and thank you.
reply
Lorilea Johnson just claimed a review for a script.
2 weeks ago
SVF: Reborn (First Draft) feature
Genre: Action/Adventure,Horror,Thriller
Logline: Slaying demons and kicking ass are his specialty.
Lorilea Johnson just claimed a review for a script.
2 weeks ago
Monster Fever short
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy
Logline: An ill young man gets an unexpected visit from a closet monster.
Lorilea Johnson completed a review for
2 weeks ago
HALL OF PRESIDENTS feature
Genre: Comedy
Review Rating:

Oh my dog! I freaking loved this script! It was fun, fast paced, and had great characters and plot. I loved the development of the dead Presidents. Filmore was awesome. In real history, he was a completely forgettable President. His duplicity was unexpected. he was a great protagonist. Nixon was also a fun character. Ah, President Nixon. Because "I resigned, I was not impeached". Ha! I got the biggest kick out of the scene where he was totally messing with Benneton, convincing him first to poison the President and then compelling him not to. The poetic justice here is that President Chance Garfield was starting to look crazy talking to the dead Presidents that no one else could see. Benneton looked like a crazed lunatic when he knocked the glass from Chance's hands. I found it irritating that President Chance ditched so many of his formal duties to spend time with his kids during his first 100 days of office. Don't change it. It's perfect in the story. It shows his close bond to his family and that his core morals are good. I didn't completely understand the President's obsession with pancakes but I still found it hilarious. (Of foil. Off oil). I thought the byplay of Benneton and the President was well done. It was great when Benneton was undermined by the President while trying to undermine the President. Ha! I think my favorite funny moment is when the kids scream in terror and we think they have just seen the ghosts, but they really just saw their parents kissing. I enjoyed the cameos of President Theodore Roosevelt and President Ronald Reagan. Perhaps some of the best nuances were lost on me because I'm not the best at knowing American history. But the ones I got, I really enjoyed. I hope you find this review helpful. Best of luck to you!

Lorilea Johnson just claimed a review for a script.
3 weeks ago
HALL OF PRESIDENTS feature
Genre: Comedy
Logline: Prepared to deal with war and economic collapse, the new President faces the one crisis he had not expected: the White House is haunted by the ghosts of ex-Presidents and only he can set them free by righting the historical wrongs they have committed.
Lorilea Johnson completed a review for
3 weeks ago
Help Me! feature
Genre: Horror
Review Rating:

Dear Mr. Bader, Please note that these are only my opinions, take what is helpful and leave the rest. I think the script creates suspense well. I like how you used the tool of "I'm sorry" throughout. I like that there is depth to the main character and we can see how he came to be who he is. It is a little confusing that there are two Laura's, the wife, and the psychiatric patient. A point of technicality, when Michael injects Cloe with a partial dose of a paralytic, I wonder if you know that the paralytic medications not only inhibit muscle movement, but also breathing. The diaphram is a muscle that we use to breath. I think it is acceptable because it was just a partial dose. If she is still breathing, she might have some movement. It would be interesting to know what Cloe's thoughts were about her near death situation after she survives. Good job explaining the overdosing of Michael's antipsychotic medication which causes trembling and spasms. Perhaps it was contributing to his psychotic behavior. I thought your stage direction and headings were good. Concise. I understand what you were doing with the son, Lucas. You were laying the foundation for a legacy of mental illness and suicidal thinkers. I'm not sure what Michael wanted Lucas to do about the bullies, but perhaps that's the point. He just wanted his son to keep his head down, accept the abuse, and try to focus on the real world. Again, just my opinion, doesn't mean it's right. The character of Michael's wife, Laura is a misplaced dynamic. Laura is annoying, which is totally fine in this story. She is smart and a loving wife and mother. She's a good character. I think the psychosis of Michael might be more believable if he didn't have such a solid, supportive person in his life. She loves him. She wants to help him. She could actually ground him from his psychotic delusions. She's a good woman, one that might keep Michael a little more sane than he is. But I suppose mental illness doesn't always remain controlled just because of external forces. On page 11, you introduce the young child who is an inpatient or Michael's former self. You place that child at age 13 or 14. I think that is too old. I suggest 7 to 10. A child who should still have innocence and appears small. Just my suggestion. Overall, great work! I hope you find my feedback helpful.

Lorilea Johnson just claimed a review for a script.
3 weeks ago
Help Me! feature
Genre: Horror
Logline: A self medicated traumatised janitor struggling with depression finds peace in becoming the angel of death in a mental hospital to give patients the "rescue" he wishes he can give himself.