Dear Mr. Bader,
Please note that these are only my opinions, take what is helpful and leave the rest. I think the script creates suspense well. I like how you used the tool of "I'm sorry" throughout. I like that there is depth to the main character and we can see how he came to be who he is. It is a little confusing that there are two Laura's, the wife, and the psychiatric patient.
A point of technicality, when Michael injects Cloe with a partial dose of a paralytic, I wonder if you know that the paralytic medications not only inhibit muscle movement, but also breathing. The diaphram is a muscle that we use to breath. I think it is acceptable because it was just a partial dose. If she is still breathing, she might have some movement. It would be interesting to know what Cloe's thoughts were about her near death situation after she survives.
Good job explaining the overdosing of Michael's antipsychotic medication which causes trembling and spasms. Perhaps it was contributing to his psychotic behavior.
I thought your stage direction and headings were good. Concise.
I understand what you were doing with the son, Lucas. You were laying the foundation for a legacy of mental illness and suicidal thinkers. I'm not sure what Michael wanted Lucas to do about the bullies, but perhaps that's the point. He just wanted his son to keep his head down, accept the abuse, and try to focus on the real world.
Again, just my opinion, doesn't mean it's right. The character of Michael's wife, Laura is a misplaced dynamic. Laura is annoying, which is totally fine in this story. She is smart and a loving wife and mother. She's a good character. I think the psychosis of Michael might be more believable if he didn't have such a solid, supportive person in his life. She loves him. She wants to help him. She could actually ground him from his psychotic delusions. She's a good woman, one that might keep Michael a little more sane than he is. But I suppose mental illness doesn't always remain controlled just because of external forces.
On page 11, you introduce the young child who is an inpatient or Michael's former self. You place that child at age 13 or 14. I think that is too old. I suggest 7 to 10. A child who should still have innocence and appears small. Just my suggestion.
Overall, great work! I hope you find my feedback helpful.
