vince caruso

Well-Developed Character

Reviewer Rating:
Scripts: 5
Reviews: 8

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vince caruso just purchased a review. Claim it here
9 months ago
The Winston of our discontent feature
Genre: Drama
Logline: Two introverts find love in the most unlikely place - suicide... or do they?
vince caruso uploaded a script.
9 months ago
The Winston of our discontent feature
Genre: Drama
Logline: Two introverts find love in the most unlikely place - suicide... or do they?
vince caruso completed a review for
10 months ago
Good Afternoon short
Genre: Drama
Review Rating:

In hopes of helping you here, I can't honestly give better score than I did above. However, I'm going to give you the page by issues and give you an example (on the first one) of turning a blow by blow account into story telling, by creating moving pictures and characters we can visualize. You need to be more active in your action statements. Don't have them "sitting and stare" over 4 lines of your script. (blow by blow account). A character name and age give us nothing to see as a 20 year old girl could look a hundred different ways. In the end the casting call will go out for girl,.20's, and a description that YOU give. Relationships can't come in action lines, they must come from dialogue. So here's an example of the opening scene, doing the above 3 things: ABIGAIL, a nerdy 20 year old with glasses, pours over a book. She looks across at ELIZABETH, a frail 52, with premature gray and a sickly hue to her skin, scribbling in a notebook. (can you see them in your head now?) ABIGAIL You feeling okay, Mom? (This is how the audience SEE the relationship) Elizabeth shrugs and goes back to her scribbling. Abigail sets her book aside and watches her mother long enough for Elizabeth to take notice. (different from Abigail stares and they go back to what they were doing). Without looking up - ELIZABETH Wanna go eat lunch at the diner? Hopefully that helps make what I'm commenting on clearer for you. Typo pg2 you have a question mark on the last line of dialogue. You've just told us they were in the theatre, so your slugline should just say RESTROOM. And you need time of day on ALL sluglines (even if it's just CONTINUOUS). The premise of the clip is that Elizabeth has cancer, but you literal only give 2 lines of dialogue and then bury her. You should explore what that conversation would be about instead of just revealing it and tossing it aside with "I told you to stop smoking". Ironically, if this was a full blown script it would be okay to get us to the diner by page 5 and use the next copy of pages for the reveal, so that by page 15 we'll know which is the main character and where you're taking us.

vince caruso just claimed a review for a script.
10 months ago
Good Afternoon short
Genre: Drama
Logline: A woman tries to spend time with her daughter.
vince caruso just claimed a review for a script.
10 months ago
Tooth short
Genre: Animation,Action/Adventure,Family
Logline: What happens when a tooth doesn’t want to fall out?
vince caruso just claimed a review for a script.
10 months ago
A Lifetime Supply short
Genre: Comedy
Logline: Years after the fall of civilization, the monthly shipments still arrive on time. No matter where Jone's finds himself in this harsh new world, milk's favorite cookie will find him.
vince caruso just purchased a review. Claim it here
10 months ago
The Curious Quest feature
Genre: Drama
Logline: What is one to do when money doesn't buy happiness? A spoilt 1920’s London aristocrat, with no skills at all, must persevere for one year without access to his wealth to find his answer.
Alexander
This better be the best thing since sliced bread dude!
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vince caruso just purchased a review. Claim it here
10 months ago
The Curious Quest feature
Genre: Drama
Logline: What is one to do when money doesn't buy happiness? A spoilt 1920’s London aristocrat, with no skills at all, must persevere for one year without access to his wealth to find his answer.

Scripts

The Winston of our discontent
Draft #1
Genre: Drama
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Two introverts find love in the most unlikely place - suicide... or do they?

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