iAmBenny -- Longtime script reader and longer-time storyteller.
- Although the idea is original, the execution and characterization of the story weren't so much - A part of the appeal to a period piece is the vernacular of the people within the story. There's a missed opportunity for a ton of comedy to be written in as nods to the distinct weirdness in some of that old English syntax - Understanding that this is the pilot, there will be a plethora of character introductions, but there felt like too much focus on peripheral characters and not enough development (both story and character-wise) with the main cast - Having 3 plot lines that loosely overlay with character and no real tie in with the stakes at hand makes for a lot of moments that feel like setups with no ultimate payoff - The opening monologue by Anton didn't add anything to the story or plot making it feel forced and only there for the sake of the clever dick joke. Sans that dialogue the scene is a lot tighter and makes the first page that much more intense - This issue plays into a larger, recurring one throughout where the characters are just standing around talking about everything instead of it being shown or them actually doing it - Think that something like Orton's 'impossible' joke [10.8] that takes up 6 lines could be shortened to a few punchier lines like, "Wrong. You see impossible, I see loose possibilities" - 2 pages of a pretty much strictly dialogue is a hard to swallow. If the dialogue is absolutely necessary there still needs to be action throughout. Have characters physically show their differences instead of just outright saying it
A young woman finds out that the biological father she's never known is terminally ill. One of his final requests is to see her before he passes.
An older sister cries wolf to terrify her younger brother, but she quickly comes to realize that there may actually be something to be afraid of.
On the last day of his life, Trey maneuvers through the socio-economics, systemic racism, and hood politics of living (and dying) in Southside Jamaica, Queens
Having a night we've all had, Anthony strugglings to get his thoughts onto the page but as the night progresses he realizes that the story isn't the only thing inside him that needs to get out.
The hardships Sidnie and his mother, Hattie endured during his adolescence thread themselves in his every action, paving the way for the heartbreak he goes through when he has to fly home to NY after finding out she's terminal with cancer.